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Newest jokes - Page 651
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One night, a man on his way home happened upon a drunк, down on his hands and knees searching for something under a street light. The man asked the drunк what he was looking for so diligently and the drunк said he had tripped and his Rolex wrist watch had broken loose from his wrist. The man, being a kindhearted soul, got down on his hands and knees and began assisting the drunк looking for his watch. After about ten minutes without any success, the man asked the drunк exactly where he tripped. "About a half a block up the street," the drunк said. "Why, pray tell," the man asked the drunк, "are you looking for your watch here if you lost it a half a block up the street?" The drunк replied, "The light is a lot better here."
Frank and Jim, are walking down the street when Jim turns to Frank and says, "Frank, if you had two of those top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz cars, with all the gear, electric windows, CD player and all of that, exactly the same, would you give me one?"Frank says, "Jim, how long do we go back? Thirty years? We've been best friends since school, and if I had two of those Mercedes, top-of-the-line cars with all the trimmings, exactly the same, yeah, I would give the other one to you."So, they keep walking. After a couple of minutes, Frank turns to Jim and says, "Jim, if you had two of those luxury type yachts, you know, with all the modern conveniences, and they were exactly the same, would you give one of them to me?"Jim says, "Frank, you and me are like brothers, you were best man at my wedding, you attended my son's wedding, we have gone to the same lodge together for all these years. If I had two of those luxury yachts, exactly the same with all the modern conveniences, then yeah Frank, I really would give the other one to you."They keep walking. A couple of minutes later, Jim turns to Frank, "Frank, if you had two chickens..."
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:
Joe and Joan were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said."You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."Joe said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Joe replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Joe didn't get the rest of the instructions.He turned to Joan, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Joan?"Joan replied, "Aw, Joe, just leave the car in the darned garage today."