Newest jokes - Page 652

What happened to the lost cattle?
Nobody's herd.

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Animal Jokes

Q: What do blondes and lava lamps have in common?
A: They're both nice to look at, but neither one of them is too bright.

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One-Liner Jokes Blonde Jokes

What do you call a blonde making out with a redneck while drinking вееr? A bur

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Blue Collar Jokes Blonde Jokes Beer Jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.

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Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Margie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery, and was astonished to see a $1200 fee for the anaesthesiologist. She called his office to demand an explanation. "Is this some kind of mistake?" Margie asked when she got the doctor on the phone.
"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.
"Well," said Margie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone out."
"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free. The 1200 dollars is for bringing you back around."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Question: What’s the ideal breakfast setting?
Answer: You’re sitting at the kitchen table and your son is on the cover of the Wheaties box, your mistress is on the cover of Рlаyвоy, and your wife is on the back of a milk carton.

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Food Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat.
While walking round his new property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat.
The lawyer starts yelling, ‘Oh my God!
Help me, help me!’
His wife runs up and asks what’s the matter.
The lawyer points to his feet and screams, ‘I’m melting!
I’m melting…!’

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God Jokes Lawyer Jokes

I think if youre gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, Im dumb. Thats it. That way in 10 years, when you go, Why did I get this?, you can be like, Oh, Im dumb!

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One-Liner Jokes Insult Jokes

A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?"
The Harvard student replies "At Harvard, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition."
The kid said, "Sorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, аsshоlе?"

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

Little Johnny returns from school and says:
"Mam, in school we write dirтy swear-words so often!"
"But I hope you are not writing them, my son."
"No, I'm dictating them!"

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes

There’s a lot to be said about marriage, but we try not to say it in front of the children.

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Marriage and Family Jokes

2 cannibals having dinner.
1st says to 2nd, "Your wife makes a lovely stew."
2nd answers, "Yes but I will miss her."

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Cannibal Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

An elementary school teacher, well versed in educational jargon, asked for a small allotment of money for “behavior modification reinforces.”
Her superior saw the item and asked, “What in heaven’s name is that?’
“Lollipops,” the teacher explained

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One-Liner Jokes School Jokes Money jokes

Research shows these are the top US vacation destinations according to occupation:

Artists... Painted Desert, Arizona
Athletes... Olympia Heights, Florida
Candy Makers... Carmel, Indiana
College Professors... University City, Missouri
Ecologists... Green Bay Wisconsin
Firefighters... Smokey Mountains
Geologists... Stone Mountain, Georgia
Gossip Columnists... Grapevine, Texas

Helicopter Pilots... Hoover, Alabama
Home Builders... New Castle, Pennsylvania
Jewelers... Pearl City, Hawaii
Landscapers... Garden City, Michigan
Lawyers... Accident, Maryland
Loan Officers... Fairbanks, Alaska
Lumber Jacks... Thousand Oaks, California
Manicurists... Finger Lakes, New York
Optometrists... Plainview, New York

Pastors... Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Pianists... Florida Keys
Podiatrists... Arches National Park, Utah
Politicians... Dodge City, Kansas
Real Estate Salesmen... Loveland, Colorado
Refrigerator Repairmen... Chilum, Maryland
Retired Army Officers... East Point, Georgia
Sailors... Marina, California
Sheriffs... Marshalltown, Iowa
Tree Trimmers... Long Branch, New Jersey
TV Evangelists... Paradise, California

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Office and Work Jokes Nationality Jokes Political Jokes Lawyer Jokes Aviation Jokes Banker Jokes Military Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Sailor Jokes Pilot Jokes

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph ‘s Hospital. She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”
The operator said, “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?”
The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”The operator replied, “Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse’s station for that room.”
After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, “I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow.”
The grandmother said, “Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news.”
The operator replied, “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The grandmother said, “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me shiт.”

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Old People Jokes Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes God Jokes Nurse jokes Grandparent Jokes

I told my sister how much I was going out down there, and she said that there was this club I should check out. I was like, 'Oh God, not another club.' She's like, 'Yeah, it's called AA.' I thought it was nice of her to worry, but my car never breaks down.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes God Jokes

Is Lady Gaga wonder woman because we all wonder if she's a woman?

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Jokes about Women Music and Musician Jokes Superhero Jokes

Teacher: “How can you prove the earth is round?”
Boy: “I can’t. Besides, I never said it was.”

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School Jokes

Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website?
Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.

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Sports Jokes

My dad discovered the Internet. Uh, just because someone raised you, does not mean that you have to add them on Facebook.

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Facebook Jokes Technology Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes Internet Jokes

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