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A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window saying:
"HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type."
The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.
The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.
By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I still can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the part about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.
The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual."
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
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Joe and Joan were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee listening to the weather report on the radio. "There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared," the weather report said."You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets."Joe said, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.The next day they were sitting down with their morning cups of coffee. The weather forecast was, "There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets." Again Joe replied, "Jeez, okay," and got up from his coffee.Two days later, again they're sitting down with their cups of coffee and the weather forecast said, "There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the..." and the power went out and Joe didn't get the rest of the instructions.He turned to Joan, "Jeez, what am I going to do now, Joan?"Joan replied, "Aw, Joe, just leave the car in the darned garage today."
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Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
A: The G. Q: Why did the turkey refuse dessert?
A: He was already stuffed. Q: The day after the holiday, what did the fridge say when it was asked, "Is everything al-right over here?"?
A:
"No, everything is all left-over here!" Q: Why was the turkey asked to join a band?
A: He could bring his own drumsticks. Q: If Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
A: Scholar ships. Q: What don't you want to wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A: A white shirt or high-waisted pants. Q: What do you call the age of a Pilgrim?
A: A pilgrimage. Q: What kind of key can't open doors?
A: A tur-key. Q: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?
A: He sensed fowl play. Q: What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him! Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A: Finally enough drumsticks for everyone at Thanksgiving. Q: Why does this Native Indian chief put on a lot of feathers?
A: To help keep their wigwam. Q: What is the real key to the perfect thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY. Q: On which side the turkey has got the majority of feathers?
A: The outside. Q: How will you make the turkey float?
A: You will need a few root вееr, two scoops of delicious ice cream, and the turkey. Q: Is it possible for the turkey to jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because a building cannot jump anyway. Q: What is the type of vegetable that you would like on this Thanksgiving?
A: Beets me! Q: What is the type of potatoes that go oui-oui-buzz-buzz?
A: French flies. Q: Why do the cranberries change red?
A: When they saw the turkey dressing! Q: At what time the turkey soup can be bad for yourself?
A: In case if you are that turkey!
Thanksgiving Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes School Jokes Beer Jokes Military Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Boss Jokes
After a few years of married life, this guy finds that he is unable to perform in bed anymore. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally the doctor says to him, "This is all in your mind", and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits to the shrink, the shrink confesses, "I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally the psychiatrist refers him to witch doctor.
The witch doctor tells, "I can cure this", and throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year! All you have to do is say '123' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The guy then asks the witch doctor, "What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says, "All you have to say is '1234' and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, he is lying in bed with her and says "123", and suddenly he gets a massive еrестiоn.
His wife turns over and says, "What did you say '123' for?"
Medical and Doctor Jokes
A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop stuttering, but he can't. Finally, he goes to a world renowned doctor for help. The doctor examines him and says "I've found your problem. Your реnis is 12 inches long. It weighs so much it is pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter."
The man asks, "W-w-what's the c-c-cure, d-d-doctor?"
The doctor replies, "We have to cut off 6 inches."
The man thinks about it, and eager to cure his stuttering, agrees to the operation. The operation is a success, and he stops stuttering.
Two months later he calls the doctor and tells him that since he had the 6 inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have dumped him, and his love life has gone down the tubes. He wants the doctor to operate to put back the six inches. Not hearing anything on the line, he repeats himself, "Hey doc, didn't you hear me? I want my 6 inches back!"
The doctor responds, "N-n-no w-w-way!"
Medical and Doctor Jokes
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Двама пенсионери разговарят: Un petit vieux de 95 ans. Un journaliste venu l'interroger : Дядо обяснява на личния си лекар: Двама старци си бъбрят на скамейката пред блока: Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. Un uomo in su con gli anni va dal medico, tutto sconsolato. - Dottore dottore ogni mattina alle sette mi scappa da pisciare. - Beh che problema c'e'? - E' che io mi alzo alle otto per cui mi piscio addosso! "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on... Пациент отива при доктора и му казва: - Докторе нещо ми има, всяка сутрин ходя по голяма нужда точно в 6:30. А докторът му отвръща: - Но това не е проблем, трябва да се радвате, че организмът ви толкова добре работи като швейцарски часовник. А пациентът отвръща: - То работенето ясно, ама проблема... 3 bejaarde mannen zitten samen koffie te drinken. Zegt de eerste: "ik heb een probleem, ik sta 's morgens op om 7uur, en het duurt zeker 3uur voor ik kan pissen" "Bwa" zegt de tweede, "ik sta ook...
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