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Some 'Senior' personal ads seen in 'The Villages'' Florida newspapers:
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)
FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty,80's, slim, 5'4' (used to be 5'6'),searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.Matching white shoes andbelt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot.Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.If you are the silent type, let's get together,take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosserto share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock,still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen,let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
MINT CONDITION:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair,many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves.Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
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Иванчо и Петър се карат на кого жената е по-грозна. Иванчо рекъл: - Петре, да тръгнем по къща на къща на къща и да питаме хората. Петър се съгласил. Питали от къща на къща но все не им казвали....
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Movie Truisms 1 - 10 of 31 … … …
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1. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick’s Day parade - at any time of the year. …
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2. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her. …
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3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. …
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4. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. …
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5. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty. …
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6. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A gutteral German accent will do. …
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7. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris. …
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8. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. …
9. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
10. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
Bonus: Movie bombs (or “tropes”) are always clearly labeled, with bright red digital displays that count backwards the seconds to detonation and the proper wire is cut with no more than three seconds left until Armageddon.
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Two women are discussing life in the retirement village they live in with their spouses and how they like it. One woman tells the other that she misses sеx though to which the other replies that her and her hubby still have sеx whenever she wants. The first woman asks how and the second woman says every so often when he's in the bathroom getting ready for bed she gets nакеd and lays on the bed holding her legs up in the air so when he comes out he can't help but have sеx with her. The first woman decides to try this a couple of weeks later. Her husband is in the bathroom getting ready for bed so she gets nакеd, lays down and struggles to get one leg up and then the other as she's holding them shakily. Her husband comes out and exclaims, "Good Lord woman, put in your teeth and brush your hair....you're starting to look like an аsshоlе!"
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Sing to the tune of Macarena
Sitting in my house, and I know that I’m alona,
Feeling kinda hоrny, got a jingle in my bona.
Go and grab a Penthouse it’s the one with Sharon Stona.
Hey Masturbata!!
I go a little faster and it’s feeling kind of nicea,
Once ain’t enough so I have to do it twicea.
If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea.
Hey Masturbata!!
I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana.
Never shake my hand cause you don’t know where it’s beena
Hey Masturbata!!
I do it in the car when I’m driving down the streeta,
One hand on the wheel and the other’s on my meata.
I can’t get out the car cause I’m sticking to the seata.
Hey Masturbata!
Since I was a kid I have been a Masturbata,
Choke the chicken, hum the кnов, squeezing the tomata.
I’ve looked at Ms. November now I’n gonna decorate her.
Hey Masturbata!
Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacona,
Pounding on the flounder and it’s mayonnaise I’m makinga.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achinga.
Hey Masturbata!
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A 9-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, “Grampa, what is a couple sеx? ” …..
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The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she’s old enough to know to ask the question then she’s old enough to get a straight answer. ….
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Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities that go along with it.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.
Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, “Why did you ask this question, honey? ”
The little girl replied, “Well, Grandma says to tell you that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs.”
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