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Latest Jokes

Q: What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
A:
"Odor in the court!"

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Judge and Court Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Lawyer Jokes

Chuck Norris' Facebook status has a dislike button...nobody clicks it.

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Facebook Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Chuck Norris can check his facebook on a typewriter.

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Facebook Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shiттy even the mouse.
Mom at the whоrеhоusе and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of аss.
When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big diск, I new in a moment it must be Sаinт Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hеll, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and вееr and a big rubber diск for my brother the quееr.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fаrт, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "рiss on you all and have a hеll of a night."

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Christmas Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes Fart Jokes Beer Jokes

I went into the bar the other day & the bartender said:
"What'ya have?"
I said:
"Suprise me."
He did, He showed me a nакеd picture of my wife.
I said:
"Hey, who said you could mess around with my wife?"
"Everyone did" he replied..."

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Sex Jokes

My girlfriend and I broke up... she said we could still be cousins though.

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Redneck jokes

A teacher has a class full of rednecks. She asks someone to use the word 'Timbuktu' in a story.
A scrawny kid in the back raises his hand and recites proudly:
Tim and me, a hikin' we went,
Till we found three whоrеs in a pitch-up tent.
They were three and we were two;
So I buck one and Tim buck two!

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Kids Jokes Redneck jokes School Jokes

I hate when I’m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.

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Funny Quotes

I'm great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

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Funny Quotes

I may not be able to celebrate Valentines day, but at least w*nkers like me can still celebrate palm Sunday.

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Dirty jokes Valentine's Day Jokes

Why did the boy go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Valentine's Day Jokes

A drunк stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests.
He runs up to them and says, ”I’m Jesus Сhrisт.”
The first priest says, ”No, son, I’m Jesus Сhrisт.”
So the drunк says it to the second priest.
The second priest replies, ”No, son, I’m Jesus Сhrisт.”
The drunк says, ”Look, I can prove it.” and walks back into the bar with the priests.
The bartender takes on look at the drunк and exclaims, ”Jesus Сhrisт, you’re here again?”

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes God Jokes Priest Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Priest Jokes

The president of the USA lives in the White House.
Chuck Norris lives in the Roundhouse.

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Chuck Norris Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes

I think the best analogy for where we are right now is that America is Elvis Presley - the most beautiful, talented, rebellious nation in the history of Earth.
And now, you're in your Vegas years.
You've squeezed yourself into a white jumpsuit, you're wheezing your way through 'Love Me Tender' and you might be about to pass away bloated on the toilet.
But you're still the King.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes USA Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my nакеd body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuск your brains out, and suск your тiтs dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Hotel Jokes Boob Jokes

Instagram now permits video uploads. So now you can not only upload a picture of your food, but a video of it going into your mouth.

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Food Jokes Social Network Jokes

Your family is so poor, you all Instagram the same plate of food.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Insult Jokes Food Jokes Social Network Jokes

Q: What did Data find when he went into the bathroom stall?
A: Captain's log.

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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes Military Jokes

Which way did the programmer go?
He went data way!

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One-Liner Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

What do computers eat when they get hungry?
"Сhiрs."

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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes