Newest jokes - Page 712

Didn't I see you on the Jerry Springer show?

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Blue Collar Jokes

He was in a wheelchair, kind of a troubled kid. He'd roll away from home all the time.

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Kids Jokes Blue Collar Jokes

Q: Why does Luke Skywalker always ask for favors?
A: Because he needs someone to lend a hand.

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Dark Humor Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Geek jokes Star Wars Jokes

Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you?
Answer: Shorten the chain.

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Dark Humor Jokes Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.”

Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?”

Doctor: “Every two hours.”

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One-Liner Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher.
"What did you make of the new English teacher?"
"Burgers, ma'am."

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Food Jokes School Jokes

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation.
"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.
"You didn't really do that, did you?"
"You would never get through basic training," scoffed another.
The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him.
When she finally spoke, she simply asked,
"Do you really plan to make your own bed every morning?"

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Military Jokes

Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!"
The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!"
The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''

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God Jokes Sports Jokes American Jokes

Every time Satain goes to sleep, He has to pray to God hoping Chuck Norris does't get him at night.

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God Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Q: How do you keep a Republican busy for a week?
A: Turn on the spell checker.

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Insult Jokes Office and Work Jokes Political Jokes Republican jokes Stupid Jokes

Yo mama cooking so bad, the flies chipped for a screen door!

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Insult Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids?
A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.

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Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes

I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight...
But honey, what about our kid?
What kid?
So you are not you pregnant?!

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Kids Jokes Jokes about Women

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers yet.
"Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me."
"Good, Johnny.
Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said.
"Three," replied little Johnny.
"Very good.
What comes after five, Johnny?" asked the teacher.
"Six," answered little Johnny.
"Excellent.
Your dad did a very good job.
Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked.
"A Jack!" replied little Johnny.

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Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes School Jokes

Johnny, George, and Bert were driving along in their pickup when they saw a sheep caught in the fence with its hind end up in the air.
Bert said, "I wish that was Sharon Stone."
George echoed, "I wish it was Demi Moore."
Little Johnny sighed, "I wish it was dark..."

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Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes

Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet seat...
Husband: How does it help
Wife: I use your toothbrush!

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Marriage and Family Jokes

A wife woke up in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed.
She got out of bed and checked around the house, and heard sobbing from the basement.
After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found her husband curled up into a little ball, sobbing.
"Honey, what's wrong?" she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much.
"Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant? And your father threatened me to marry you or to go to jail?"
"Yes, of course," she replied.
"Well, I would have been released tonight."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Prison Jokes

The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants - one of which would get the job.
The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York.
A nice young man, but a bit timid.
Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!"
Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself.
"He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him.
He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know.
Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education."
Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?"
"Oh," replied Jim " at Yale."
"That's very good, excellent. You're hired! Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?"
Jim answered "I don't care. Yimi or Mr. Yonson."

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Banker Jokes Boss Jokes

Men are like.....Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw they lose interest.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Banker Jokes

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