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Latest Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Veterinarian Jokes

Little Johnny was playing outside with his toy planes and figurines.
His mom was watching him, he was saying things as he was playing
He said, "all you motherf*ckers wanna get on, get on and all you motherf*ckers wanna get off, get off"
Johnny's mom heard all of what he just said and told him to go to his room for three hours. After three hours was up he went back outside with his planes he was saying things again, his mom was watching again
He said, "all of you nice people want to get on, get on and all of you nice people want to get off, get off and all of you motherf*ckers complaining about the three hour time delay, speak to the b*tch in the kitchen!

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Little Johnny Jokes

Phone talk:
"Is your boss there?"
"No, he left on a trip."
"A recovery trip, huh?"
"I don’t think so... He took his wife with him!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

Two men walked into a restaurant, the first one asks for tea.
The second also asks for tea.
"And make sure the glass is clean," he tells the waiter.
When the waiter returns with the two glasses of tea he asks, "Which one of you asked for the clean glass?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Restaurant Jokes

The best security system for a bank is when Chuck's money is in it.

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Money jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Banker Jokes

I live in Bakersfield, California. At least it's not Barstow, a city that owes its existence to the fact that people traveling to Las Vegas needed a place to stop and take a sh*t. There was a toilet and they built a city around it.

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Nationality Jokes

A student called her best friend and said that she had some great news.
“The teacher told me that we had to do a test today in rain or shine,” she told her.
“Why is that great,” her friend asked.
“It’s snowing today!”

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News and Politics Jokes School Jokes Friendship Jokes

Drinking is never a problem. Hand to mouth -- no problem. It's quantity over time that's the problem.

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers.

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Pick-Up Lines Jokes Religion jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Chuck Norris roundhoused some wannabe cop named Agent Sasevel so hard that it rearranged the letters of his name to Steven Seagal.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes

Chuck Norris graduated from the School of Hard Knocks with an MBA - Mega Bad Аss.

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School Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

So I heard the reason Usain Bolt is so fast is because his offseason training consists of going back home and hitting on dudes.

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Sports Jokes Friendship Jokes

This black teenager was showing me his state of the art phone, “It’s got everything,” he boasted, “4g, wifi, 64gig memory, advanced search technology, email tracking, this phone can do anything. ”
“Really? ” I replied. “Can it find your father?

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Technology Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

Q: What do you call a man with no arms or legs, with a ten inch реnis?
A: "Partially disabled."

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Gross Jokes Men jokes

Walking down the street, a man hears a voice:
"Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and кill you."
The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him.
The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk.
The voice shouted, "Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die."
The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "Where the hеll were you when I got married last week?"

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine?
A: They both don't work and always take your money.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Black People Jokes

A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

Q: Why are two blonde girls fighting on a motorcycle?
A: They are fighting because they both want to sit next to the window.

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Blonde Jokes

So, you're not a Terminator anymore? Negative. I retired. Now I kill bugs. I am a ex-Terminator

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Movie jokes

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to кill today because they рissеd me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they be connected to the аss that I may have to kiss tomorrow. Help me to always give 100% at work… 12% on Monday. 23% on Tuesday. 40% on Wednesday. 20% on Thursday. 5% on Friday. And help me to remember…When I'm having a really bad day,and it seems that people are trying to рiss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4…to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me! Amen.

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Friday jokes Monday jokes