American Presidents Humor

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If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.
I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you can imagine. Oh, my God, I can't believe it. Without the discovery of oxygen, the world would be terrible. It's just terrible. Look, if you want to know what oxygen is, do you want to know what oxygen is? I'll tell you. First of all, it's the O in the periodic table. By the way, I love the element O. It's probably my favorite element, no it is my favorite element despite I don't know what O is. You know what, it's probably more like the Hydrogen but with a lot of proton in it. A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of proton. Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a neutron that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy, but he's like, 'Helium, Neon,' on and on, like that. He's inert! You know what I mean? He's like a inert gas. I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these proton, and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of periodic table than me. You wouldn't believe it. So, we're gonna be the best on breathing oxygen, believe me.
Donald Trump Jokes American Presidents Humor
President Trump called President Duterte of the Philippines with an emergency:
"Our largest соndом factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a national disaster!"
"Donald, the Filipino people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied Duterte. "I do need your help," said Donald. "Could you possibly send 100,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Duterte. "Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Donald.
"Yes?" said Duterte.
Showing off, Donald said,
"Could the condoms be red, white, and blue in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?"
"No problem," replied Duterte, with that, Duterte hung up and called the owner of Philippine Prophilactic. "I need a favor, you've got to make 100,000,000 condoms right away and send them to the White House."
"Consider it done Mr. President," said the owner of Philippine Prophilactics. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red, white and blue in color, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said Duterte, "on each one, print 'MADE IN THE PHILIPPINES, SIZE-SMALL' ."
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You Might Be A Trekkie If!
your fantasy includes Lt. Uhura sitting on the edge of your bed saying "Hailing frequencies open"...
you've ever been in a fist fight over who is better Captain Picard or Captain Kirk...
you think that Captain Janeway is sexier than Princess Leia...
your screen saver says "Resistance is futile, you will be assimilated"...
you find yourself in a jam and say "Scotty, beam me up!"...
you believe that Ross Perot owns a copy of the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition...
you believe Ross Perot is a Ferengi...
someone says good morning to you and you answer "Ka Plah!"...
you know the proper Vulcan greeting and response...
your girlfriend tells you "it's either me or Star Trek!" and you wave good-bye...
you think Hillary Clinton would look good in Lt.Uhura's uniform...
you wrote in James T. Kirk for President with running mate Pavel Chekov...
you walk into your kitchen and look for a replicator...
you think Kahless will come back before Jesus Сhrisт...
you can tell the difference between a Vulcan and a Romulan...
you can name all the people who have ever been captain of the Enterprise...
you think Q-Tips is a self-help book written by a certain Star Trek villain...
you have the Klingon version of Hooked on Phonics...
you find a hairball and think it's a Tribble...
you believe there is an alternate universe where you are captain of the Enterprise...
you learned to pick up women by watching Captain Kirk...
you keep flipping open your cell phone hoping to get a communique from Scotty...
you here someone say "he's an enterprising young man," and you look for his communicator...
you get in your car and say engage...
you believe George Lucas is the Anti-Сhrisт...
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World Economic Summit
During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and French President Francois Hollande are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train.
As you might know all of these political leaders have big egos and this is what ensued.
Barack Obama says "This is a fine bottle of wine Francois"
Upon hearing this President Francois Hollande throws out a case of France's finest wine and says "In France fine wine is bountiful and plenty!"
Not to be outdone by Vladimir Putin who then throws out two cases of Russia's finest Vоdка "In Russia premier vоdка spirits flow like the Volga River"
President Obama not wanting to seem weak, thinks for a moment, looks at Mexican president Enrique Pena Nieto, and throws him out the window.
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