American Presidents Humor

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The TV channel Gold’s eighth annual ranking, which is chosen by a panel chaired by the comedy critic Bruce Dessau, was put to 2,000 UK voters. Check out top 20 jokes. 1. Q: What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song?
Driving Home for Christmas 2. Q: Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop?
Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate! 3. Q: Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?
All Virgin flights were cancelled 4. Q: Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
They have herd immunity 5. Q: Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown?
Because the "Arrrr!" rate had risen 6. Q: Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto?
Because eventually, it's behind you 7. Q: Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the inn 8. Q: Why can't Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute?
He doesn't know how many tiers it should have 9. Q: What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner?
They put on a super spread 10. Q: Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?
Home Alone 11. Q: How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly?
Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail 12. Q: Why won't Santa lose any presents this year?
He's downloaded Sack and Trace 13. Q: How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas?
It'll take ages to flatten the curve 14. Q: How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year?
Fine. No sweat 15. Q: Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials?
Because they only wanted guinea pigs 16. Q: Which government scheme supports Christmas dinner?
Eat Sprout To Help Out 17. Q: How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party?
Put him on mute 18. Q: How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?
He keeps a logbook 19. Q: Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas?
Marcus Rashford 20. Q: Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem?
Because they couldn't book a home delivery
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George Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all died. Due to a glitch in the celestial time-space continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place decades apart. The first to present himself to Sаinт Peter is Einstein. Sаinт Peter questions him.
“You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?” Sаinт Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard and chalk instantly appear.
Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity. Sаinт Peter is suitably impressed.
“You really are Einstein! Welcome to heaven!”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Sаinт Peter asks for his credentials. Picasso doesn’t hesitate. “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?” Sаinт Peter says, “Go ahead.”
Picasso erases Einstein’s scribbles and proceeds to sketch out a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nudе women: he captures their essences with just a few strokes of the chalk. Sаinт Peter claps.
“Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!”
The last to arrive is George Bush. Sаinт Peter scratches his head. “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”
Bush looks bewildered, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”
Saint Peter sighs, “For fсuк’s sake, come on in, George.”
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American Presidents Humor