Animal Jokes - Page 51

Chuck Norris created the platypus by roundhouse kicking a duck at a веаvеr.

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A man enters a pet shop. He wants to buy live mice to feed his python. The man saw the cage with a parrot and begins to examine it. In this moment the parrot said,
"Your fly is undone."
The man blushed. He looked around if anyone sees him and closed his zipper. The parrot said again,
"Your pants have a slit back."
The man blushed still more and tried to cover his аss with a hand.
"Your shoelaces are untied", the parrot does not cease.
The man веnт down to tie his shoelaces.
"Farted! ... You little fаrт", the parrot yelled.
The man died of shame and fled from the store. At this point the mice called from their cage and said,
"Coco, thanks you! You saved our lives again. You know, we'll make it up to you."

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Parrot jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Fart Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
"That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration.
"Thanks," the girl replied.
The firefighter looked a little closer.
The girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the firefighter said, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Dog jokes

Yo mama so ugly that when she delivered a little baby after birth the baby saw mum and screamed "It's a gorilla!".

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Animal Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Baby Jokes Ugly Jokes

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes

What is a niggеr?
Proof that skunks fuск monkeys

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Animal Jokes Black People Jokes

What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?
A yeaster bunny.

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Animal Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Easter Jokes

What do ducks wear to party's?
A duck-sedo!

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Animal Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?
"Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."

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Animal Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Friendship Jokes Birthday Jokes

There were once these two blondes who were sitting around bored and alone one day.
They noticed an article in the paper where they were selling bird dogs.
Well they had heard that dogs make excellent companions so they went out to buy one.
They brought the dog home and fell instantly in love with him.
They had heard somewhere that bird dogs were smart and good at what they do.
So the two blondes decided to take the dog outside and watch him do what he is was so good at doing.
They tried it out a couple of times, but the blondes came off more disappointed than amazed at what the dog could do.
Finally one of the blondes was sick and tired of waiting, she suddenly shouted out:
"THAT’S IT! We’ll give this dog one more chance. We’ll throw him up in the air one more time and if he doesn’t fly we’re taking him back to the STORE!"

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Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Love Jokes Dog jokes

The energizer bunny was arrested on a charge of battery.

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Animal Jokes Technology Jokes Prison Jokes

Q: Why didn't go Noah fishing?
A: He only had two worms.

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Animal Jokes Bible Jokes

How do elephants hide in the jungle?
Paint their ваlls red and pretend they are cherries!
What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
Monkeys eating cherries...

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Animal Jokes

Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day?
He fell in love with the Grand National winner!

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Animal Jokes Nationality Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Love Jokes

Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses?
His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!

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Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

Chicken to turkey:
"Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Christmas Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first communion."
"I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn't have started with the circumcision.”

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Animal Jokes Religion jokes God Jokes Priest Jokes

A man walks into a bar with a dog.
The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man.
"This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender.
"If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks.
"The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!"
"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"
"Bark!"
"And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?"
"Ruth!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man.
"I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'DiMaggio'?"

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Animal Jokes Sports Jokes Men jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Dog jokes

A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off.
He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rестuм.
As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's вuтт?"
The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips."
The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure.
The cowboy said, "Nope.
But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"

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Animal Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes