Baby Jokes - Page 2

Children:
You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

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Q: Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
A: He was stuck to the chicken's foot.

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Animal Jokes Gross Jokes Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

What's funnier than a zombie baby?
A zombie baby in a clown suit!

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Kids Jokes Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Baby Jokes Dead baby jokes

A man phones his wife's doctor and says,
"My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.
"No, you idiот!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

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Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes One-Liner Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Irish jokes Baby Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes

Q: What did the blind, deaf, mute quadraplegic boy get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.

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Kids Jokes Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Christmas Jokes Baby Jokes

Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "We need the eggs."

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Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Baby Jokes

Little Johnny runs into his house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," says his mom, "Of course not."
After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom hears him yell to his friend, "It's OK, we can keep playing!"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Friendship Jokes Baby Jokes

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fuскs the stork?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterward, the doctor comes into her room and says, "I have something to tell you about your child."
The woman worriedly asks, "What's wrong with it?"
The doctor says, "There's nothing really wrong with it, it's just a little different. It's a hermaphrodite."
The woman looks confused. "A hermaphrodite? What's that?"
The doctor replies, "It has both male and female features."
The woman looks relieved. "Oh, you mean it has a реnis AND a brain?"

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

Two gаy men decide to have a baby.
They mix their sреrм and have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One, over in the corner, is smiling serenely. A nurse comes by, and to the men's delight, she points out the happy child as theirs.
''Isn't it wonderful?'' Brad exclaims. ''All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.''
''He's happy now," says the nurse. "But just wait until we take the pacifier out of his аss.''

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School Jokes Men jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Baby Jokes Nurse jokes

At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sеx education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sеx education on TV.
Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. Great, said the teacher, that's very important.
Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. Well, that has to do with it too, said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sеx education. Yes it does, said Johnny, it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne.

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Sports Jokes Jokes about Women School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Q: What's worse than finding 10 zombie babies in one garbage can?
A: Finding one zombie baby in 10 garbage cans.

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Gross Jokes Baby Jokes

What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging...
What is funnier than a zombie baby hanging from a ceiling fаn?
Hitting it with a shovel when it comes around.

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Gross Jokes Baby Jokes

Q: What's brown and taps on the window?
A: A baby in a microwave!

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Gross Jokes Baby Jokes

Three triplets in the wомв discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."
The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."
The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."
The other two ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"
He replies, "So I can beat the hеll out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."

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Gross Jokes Sports Jokes Dirty jokes Baby Jokes

Q: How do you make a baby drink?
A: Stick it in the blender.

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Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Baby Jokes

Q: How do you get a baby into a bowl?
A: A blender.
Q: How do you get them out?
A: Doritos.

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Gross Jokes Fitness jokes Baby Jokes

Yo' mama so fат, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.

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Yo Momma Jokes Baby Jokes Fat Jokes

Q: Which part of the military do babies join?
A: The infantry.

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Military Jokes Baby Jokes

Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
A: It depends how hard you throw them.

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Lawyer Jokes Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Baby Jokes Dead baby jokes