Baby Jokes - Page 9

A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor the doctor asked the couple, "I have invented a new machine that you might want to try, it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father." So the married couple decided that they would try this. So the doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father and the husband said "I feel okay turn it up a lot more" so the doctor turned it up to 50% and the husband said "why don’t you just put it all on me cause I’m not feeling a thing" but the doctor warned them "this much could кill you if your not prepared", and the husband replied "I am ready "so the doctor turned the machine up to 100% but the husband didn’t fell a thing so they went home happy with a pain free labor, but when they got home the mailman was dead on the front porch!

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A man who's wife was pregnant couldn't bear to be in the delivery room at the time of the birth.
So he thought he'd ring up later to see if it had come yet.
He rang up and the nurse said "it's a girl but theres another one on the way"
He rang again later and the nurse said "it's another girl but there's another coming"
He rang once more and the nurse said " it's a boy but there's another coming"
He couldn't stand it any more so he went to the pub and got drunк.
An hour later he was really nervous. He was dialling the hospital, hands shaking, and accidently dialled the sports line. he asked " how many did we get mate" the person said "198 all out.... and the last one was a duck"

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Sports Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes Nurse jokes

What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

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Baby Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

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Baby Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, "Dad, am I pure polar bear?"
The dad replies,
"Sure you are son.
Im all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear."
Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, "Mom, am I pure polar bear?"
She answers, "Of course you are honey.
Im all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear."
Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, "Grandmom... Grandpop... Am I all polar bear?"
His grandmother answers, "Of course you are sweetie.
Were all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear.
Why do you ask sweetie?" The baby polar bears replies,
"Because I m feeling **** cold and freezing!"

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Animal Jokes Dad Jokes Baby Jokes Grandparent Jokes

What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.

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Baby Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

A mother goes to the market and leaves her lilttle boy in the house.
Meanwhile, she leaves her phone charging on the floor in the house.
Unfortunately, power goes off and there is a message that comes with a sound on the phone.
The message reads, ' battery low'.
Concerned, the little boy picks the phone and puts it on the table and wait for some time waiting to see another message on the phone that should read, 'battery high'.
He was disappointed.

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Kids Jokes Technology Jokes Baby Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes

Q: If a white baby grows wings and goes to heaven what do you call it?
A: A Angel.
Q: If a black baby grows wings and goes to heaven what do you call it?
A: A Bat.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Baby Jokes

Q: How do you know if your baby is dead?
A: Your 3-year-old daughter has put on allot of weight in the last day or two.

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Baby Jokes Morbid jokes Dead baby jokes

Q: Which sеxuаl position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.

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Sex Jokes Baby Jokes Ugly Jokes

I just checked my schedule and I can have you pregnant by Christmas.

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Sex Jokes Christmas Jokes Flirt jokes Baby Jokes

Let's not mess with nature.
We are here to make babies.
So, let's get to it.

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Sex Jokes Dirty jokes Flirt jokes Baby Jokes

What is the definition of revenge?
A baby with a dog in its mouth.

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Gross Jokes Animal Jokes Baby Jokes Dog jokes

How did the live baby escape from a room filled with with zombie babies?
He ate his way out.

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Gross Jokes Baby Jokes

What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.

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Gross Jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes Dead baby jokes

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.

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Baby Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

A 65 year old blonde has a baby.
All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.”
A little later they ask to see the baby again.
Again the mother says “not yet.”
Finally they say, “When can we see the baby?”
And the mother says, “When the baby cries.”
And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”
The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Blonde Jokes Old People Jokes Baby Jokes

Why would the cannibal only eat babies?
He was on a diet!

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Baby Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Q: Why do you put babies into a blender feet first?
A: So you can see the look in their eyes when you turn it on!

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Gross Jokes Baby Jokes

Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven.
And everyone who goes to heaven has to work.
God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies.
Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out.
For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired.
As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."

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Office and Work Jokes God Jokes Baby Jokes Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes