Dirty jokes

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A man named Jed went hunting near the border of Alabama and Georgia. When he was going back to his truck, a game warden came up to him and asked him what he had in the sack."
Three rabbits," Jed said.The warden said, "Let me see one of those rabbits." So Jed pulled out one of the rabbits. The warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's вuттhоlе, pulled it out, smelled it and said, "This is a Georgia rabbit."
Then the warden said, "Let me see your Georgia huntin' license."
So Jed showed him. Then the warden said, "Let me see another one of those rabbits."
So Jed pulled out another rabbit.Then the warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's вunghоlе, tasted it and said, "
This is a Alamba rabbit. Let me see your Alamba huntin' license."
So Jed showed them to him.
Then the Warden said, "Where you from boy?"
So Jed pulled his pants down and said, "You figure it out!"

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What do you call a sеx-crazed gаy cannibal?
A head hunter!

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Three triplets in the wомв discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."
The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."
The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."
The other two ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"
He replies, "So I can beat the hеll out of that rude bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us."

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Q: What did one of the prositute's knee say to the other?
A: Nothing. They have never met.

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Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?
A: Wet noses.

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Why did God give women belly buttons?
For somewhere to stash your gum on the way down.

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Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used тамроn and ask him what period it came from.

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Q: Why do dogs liск their ваlls?
A: Because they can.
Q: So why do they stick their noses in women's crotches?
A: Same reason.

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What did one вuтт cheek say to the other?
"Together, we can stop this s**t."

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A man dies, and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and starts talking to them.
"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."
Then she whispers, "You know that вlоw job I promised you? Well, here it comes."

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Q: What comes after 69?
A: Mouthwash.

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A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hеll of a day."
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gаy."
The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gаy, too!"
On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"

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A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sеxy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"

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What's the difference between a wife and a job?
After ten years the job still suскs!

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Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: Wings.

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Q: What do you call a рrоsтiтuте with her hands under her skirt?
A: Self-employed.

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A woman goes to an accountant to file her taxes.
The accountant says, "Before we begin, I need to ask a few questions. What is your occupation?"
The woman replies, "I'm a whоrе."
The accountant says, "No, no, no. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."
The woman replies, "OK, I'm a рrоsтiтuте."
"No, that is still too crude. Try again."
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."
The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a рrоsтiтuте?"
"Well, I raised over 5,000 c**ks last year."

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What's the difference between a lawyer and an amoeba?
One wears a tie.

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Q: Why was the dirтy old man fired from the poultry shop?
A: He couldn't keep his hands off the вrеаsтs and thighs.

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A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife:
"Where did you get that necklace?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub." He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."

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