Dirty jokes - Page 34

Teacher: "Little Johnny can you say a sentence to use with dirтy words?
Little Johnny: "Yesterday my school was late so I had to run in order to reach on time."
Teacher: "You didn't use any bad word in your sentence."
Little Johnny: "Well, when I was running I farted many times!"

72 0

A young man walks into a bar and orders a Kamikaze.
As soon as he is severed he slams it down.
And before the bartender can walk away he calls out I need a shot of Tequila.
So the bat tender pours the tequila.
And no sooner than he is server he slam it back and then the young man asks for a shot of Gin.
The bar tender compiles with the request, and out of curiosity asks the young man are you celebrating?
The young man nods, and says quietly mt first вlоw job.
The bartender smiles and says I remember my first.
The young man looks up and says so how did you get rid of that taste?

32 0

Dirty jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

One day little Johnny was sitting in math class.
The teacher asked him, "there are 3 crows on a fence the farmer shoots one how many are left?"
Little Johnny replied "none."
Confused the teacher asked again.
"Johnny, there are 3 crows on the fence the farmer shoots 1 how many are left?"
Johnny replies "0."
Teacher says, "ok Little Johnny how are you getting this."
Little Johnny replies, "if 1 crow dies then the other two fly away, 0 crows left."
Teacher says "that's not the correct answer but I like the way your thinking."
Little Johnny replies, "ok teach, there 3 girls in an ice-cream parlor.
One is suскing the cone, one is licking the cone, and the other is biting the cone, which one is married?"
The teacher replies, "I guess the one suскing the cone."
Little Johnny says, "no вiтсh it's the one with the ring on her finger but, I like the way your thinking."

72 0

School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Vulgar jokes Math Jokes

What did the banana say to the viвrатоr?
What are you laughing for? She's not going to eat you.

0 0

Dirty jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes

A guy walks into a bar with a four-foot crocodile on a leash, following him like a dog.
The barman says gruffly: "No pets allowed here!"
The guy says, "But this is a trained crocodile. See what it can do!"
He sets the crocodile on a table and hits it on both ears.
The crocodile opens its jaws wide.
The guy unzips his pants, puts his рескеr into the crocodile's jaws and hits the crocodile on the ears again.
The crocodile closes its jaws leaving just one-inch space, not touching the man's рескеr.
Everybody in the bar is very impressed.
To build upon it, the guy declares: "I give a hundred dollars to anyone who does it!"
But everybody is afraid to - understandably, each would rather have an undamaged рескеr than a hundred dollars.
Finally, a man wearing a pink suit, with an earring in one ear, says in an effeminate voice:
"I think I can do it!"
Everybody admires him, "What a brave man you are!"
The man continues, to the guy: "Just don't hit me so hard on the ears!"

0 0

Pet Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Kamasutra says:
If you suск one niррlе, the women herself offers the other one.
And that was the origin of "buy one get one free"!

37 0

Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Sex Jokes Business jokes

This guy from up north just up and one day moved down south to start himself a farm.
He came across this man and asked him where he could get a good donkey to pull a cart and plow.
The man said I've got just what you need.
Only thing is down here we don't call them donkeys we call them an аss.
He said when this аss stops you'll have to get off the cart and slap them to get it going again.
The northern man thanks him and heads on his way.
He comes up to a man seeking chickens.
He says to the man, I'd like to buy a rooster and a hen.
The guy sai d sure thing but down here we don't call em roosters and hens.
We call them a соск and a pullet.
The man from up north says ok, thanks the man and is on his way.
He going along in his cart when his donkey stops in the middle of the road.
He remembers what the man said he had to do to get it going.
Just then a lady is walking by.
So he walks up to her and says, "excuse me miss, but will you hold my соск and pullet while I slap my аss."

37 0

Animal Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes

I called that Rаре Advice Line earlier today.
Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

37 0

Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes

A little boy asked his mother:
Mummy, why are you white and I am black?
Don’t even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don’t bark.

37 0

Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Testicules.
Testicules who?
Pillow for реnis .

68 0

Knock-knock jokes Dirty jokes

A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.
His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc.
"Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me."
"I know!" grinned the patient.
"But the nurses kind of formed a little fаn club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches."

31 0

Nurse jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

I don't know whats happening in this country.
You've got school children dressing like whоrеs and whоrеs dressing like school children.
Its a nightmare... you just don't know whether to carry sweets or money!

38 0

Dirty jokes School Jokes Money jokes

A guy's talking to a girl in a bar. He asks her, "What's your name?"
She says, "Carmen."
He says, "That's a nice name. Who named you, your mother?"
She says, "No, I named myself."
He says, "Why Carmen?"
She says, "Because I like cars and I like men. What's your name?"
He says, "Beerfuck."

0 0

Sex Jokes Car and driving jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beer Jokes

A woman asked her lover, "Would you keep fuск me that much even after marriage?
He replied, "Sure dear, if your husband had no objection."

38 0

Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

What did the Left Nut say to the right nut?
Don't talk to the guy in the middle he's a diск!...

39 0

Dirty jokes

Have you ever seen the serial number on a соndом?
No?
Oh sorry, you must not have to roll it down that far.

76 0

Men jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

I went to a pharmacy and asked for a black соndом.
Manager wondered and asked me, "why black sir?"
"My friend's husband died; I want to console her," I said.

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes Boss Jokes

Рrоsтiтuте in the police station.
The desk officer says "so when did you réalise you were rареd ?"
She replies ... "when the chèque bounced !"

37 0

Prostitute Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Police Officer Jokes

An ugly bloke walks into a pub with a huge grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about ?" asks the landlord.
"Well, I live by the railway and on my way home last night I noticed a woman tied to the tracks. I cut her free and we shagged all night !"
"Did you get a вlоw job ?" asks the landlord.
"No ..." he says, "I never found the head."

37 0

Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

A woman heads to the doctors office for her usual checkup.
While there, the doc notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of an H and inquires about it, "Oh, my boyfriend likes to wear his Harvard sweater during sеx."
The next day, another woman comes in, for a checkup.
While there, the doctor notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of a Y and inquires about it,"Oh, my boyfriend is really into wearing his Yale sweater during sеx."
The next day, another woman comes in, again, for a simple checkup.
This woman too has a rash on her chest, and the doctor, catching on with the trend, asks,"So, Does your boyfriend go to Wisconsin?"
The girl replies, "Nah, but my girlfriend goes to Michigan."

37 0

Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes