Dirty jokes - Page 51

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge.
A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildо.
She looks at the shelf behind the register.
"How much for the white one?"
"$10."
"How much for the black one?"
"$20."
She buys the white one.
A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildо.
After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one.
A third lady comes in for a dildо.
She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one.
She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went.
"Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"

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Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dirty jokes Drug Jokes Music and Musician Jokes What's The Difference Jokes Military Jokes

Michael J Fox has a small one. Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one. Nuns dont have one. The pope has one but doesn't use it. Your dad has one but you mom uses it as well.
What is it? It's a last name of course.

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Dad Jokes Dirty jokes

Me: Hey bro how many legs do 6 chickens have?
Friend: uh... 12
Me: Alright how many eyes to 8 chickens have?
Friend: 16...
Me: Alrighty how many teeth does a cat have?
Friend: Umm I dont know.
Me: Funny how you know about more about соскs than рussy!

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Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

Can I read your t-shirt in braille?

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Pick-Up Lines Jokes Dirty jokes Flirt jokes

A man asks a guy if he likes fishdicks, the sтuрid guy answers like this because he thinks that he said fishsticks so he says,
"Yes, I Love them."
Then the man asks him again and says "Do you like having them in your mouth?"
Then the sтuрid Guy answears like this "Yes I like them in my mouth says the sтuрid guy confused"
Then the man says "What are you, a gayfish?"

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Men jokes Dirty jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

You don't have to wait until midnight to see my ваlls drop.

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Dirty jokes New year jokes

What is the difference between аnаl sеx and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.

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Dirty jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes What's The Difference Jokes

Wanna play rаре?
No!
That's the spirit!

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Dirty jokes

The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.

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Animal Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes Christian Jokes

My wife wanted me to whisper dirтy things to her.
"...........dishes."

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.

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Christmas Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Halloween Jokes Flirt jokes

After 20 years of marriage, a wife finds out that her husband had been f*cking her for the past 20 years with a dildо! she is so angry she asks her husband to "Explain the dildо". The husband replies "explain the kids?!"

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad

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Dad Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes

A student at college had failed his final law papers and was obviously not happy, he questioned the professor & decided to make a deal with him 'professor, do u consider yourself to know everything about the law?
He asked. 'Absolutely, otherwise i would not be capable of standing in front of u & lecturing u on the subject' he replied. The student continued; if u can answer this question, I will agree with u & accept my final marks, if u cannot, u have to give me an 'A" the professor laughed but agreed.
The boy continued, 'what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?
The professor thought about it for hours and pondered no answer. He had to finally give up as he really did not know. He gave the boy his 'A' the following day at lecture, the professor was still struggling with dis unknown mystery & decided to pose the question to his students: class, what is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?
He paused for a second in shock when all students raised their hands with a possible answer. He pointed out one student and waited:
"sir, u're 65, married to a 28 yr old woman, this is legal but not logical, ur wife, is having an affair with a 23 year old boy, this is logical but not legal, ur wife's boyfriend has failed his exam & yet u have given him an 'A'. That is neither logical nor legal".
The professor collapsed. --__--

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes School Jokes Cheating Jokes

Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes

Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: To get to the bottom.

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Dirty jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Q: Who did little Johnny see when he snuck into the church late one night?
A: Pastor Bedtime.

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Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Church jokes

Patient:
" I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?"
Doctor:
"You've had an accident involving a bus."
Patient:
"What happened?"
Doctor:
"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Patient:
"Give me the bad news first."
Doctor:
"Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them."
Patient:
"That's terrible! What's the good news?"
Doctor:
"There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes News and Politics Jokes Dirty jokes

One day a man lied down on a nudе beach. Little Johnny comes up to the man, points to his реnis and asks what it was. "Oh, that's my birdie." said the man. "Oh." little Johnny replies. The man fell asleep. When the man woke up, he found himself in the hospital. He looked around to find little Johnny at his bedside. "Hey kid, what happened?", asked the man. "Oh," says little Johnny. "I tried to pet your birdie. It tried to spit water at me, so I cracked it's eggs and burnt it's nest."

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Dirty jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes