Dirty jokes

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A man goes to the doctor about the size if his реnis.
He says to the doctor "My реnis is too small."
Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your реnis will grow an inch."
So the man thanks the doctor and leaves.
He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his реnis grew an inch.
Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy.
A thousand apologies, he реnis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long реnis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirтy movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker.
"Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
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hat is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican? A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would cum on your face! Vad är det för skillnad mellan en katolsk präst och acne? Acne kommer inte i ansiktet på dig före att du är över 12 år gammal Was ist der Unterschied zwischen einem katholischen Priester und Akne? Akne kommt erst auf dein Gesicht, wenn du 13 bist. What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face. Mitä eroa on aknella ja katolisella papilla? Akne ei yleensä tule kuusivuotiaan naamalle. Quelle est la différence entre un prêtre et de l'acnée ? L'acnée attend que tu ais au moins 12 ans avant de venir sur ton visage.
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♥Sex Language♥
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures, mouthing "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE."
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left вrеаsт, then she points to her вuтт, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hеll the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, "What in the heck was that?"
She replies, "EYE - LEFT ТIТ - BEHIND - THE BUSH"
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After being out to sea for over a year, a sailor finally got a chance to go onto dry land. The first thing he wanted to do was visit a local whоrе house. When he arrived at one he asked the guy behind the counter if they had any whоrеs available, but the man told the sailor that had no whоrеs and all they had was a chicken. The sailor thought about it and figured what the hеll it had been ages since his last lay. He took the chicken up to a room where he tried for an hour to fuск the chicken but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't do it. After giving up the sailor left and would try again tomorrow. The next day he return only to find they had no whоrеs available again but they did have lеsвiаn show that he could watch in the back with other men. As he stood there watching he turned to man next to him and said," Man this is great."
To which the man replied,"Yeah but you should have been here yesterday some guy tried to fuск a chicken."
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A young man decided after 4 years of working nonstop at a decent paying job and saving the bulk of his earnings that perhaps it was time to settle down.
He called up an old girlfriend from his high school days and she answered on the first ring.
As they spoke and reminisced about old times she said to him "Wow, this has been great, I've really enjoyed speaking with you, but I must ask, where on earth did you find my number?"
To which he replied "Honestly? I'm just as surprised as you are, I have been working as a jani tor in our old high school and just happened to see your number etched into the door of a boys bathroom stall! I'm amazed you still have the same number after all these years!"
And she responded "Well, how else was I supposed to keep in touch with all the boys I used to sleep with?"
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