Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke

Patient: "Doctor, I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "I understand."
Patient: "Understand what?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Q: What is the worst thing an emergency doctor can tell you after admitting your mother in law?
A: Sir, we were able to save her!

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Mother-in-Law Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Patient: "Doctor, my son has swallowed a pen. What can I do?"
Doctor: "Use a pencil till I come to see your son."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Lady goes to doctor with a bee up her fаnny.
Doc says, "Im gonna rub honey on my d*ck and insert it, when the bee smells it, I'll pull out and he'll follow."
Doctor starts and woman begins to moan.
Doctor gets faster and harder.
Woman yells, "What the fuск you doing?"
Doc says, "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the ваsтаrd."

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got воwеl cancer."

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Dark Humor Jokes Jokes about Women God Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an еrестiоn.
Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread.
So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread.
The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it."
Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."

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Jewish Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes

A Democrat walks into a doctor's office with a frog sitting on his head.
The frog looks at the doctor and says, "Hey doc, can you get this wart off my аss?

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Democrat jokes Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Political Jokes

In Africa, in a hospital, a black man entered armed – he had a knife on him – stick in his back!

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Africa Jokes Black People Jokes

First Cannibal: "Have you seen the dentist?"
Second Cannibal: "Yes, he filled my teeth at dinner time."

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Cannibal Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dentist Jokes

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.
Sign in the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."
Sign in a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
Sign from a Japanese booklet about using a hotel air CONDITIONER: "COOLERS AND HEATERS: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
Two signs from a Morrocan shop entrance: "English well talking." "Here speeching American."
Sign at a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."
Sign from a translated sentence from a Russian chess book: "A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played."
Sign at a garage in Hertfordshire: "Please do not smoke near the pumps. If your life isn't worth anything - gas is!"
Sign on the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Hotel Jokes American Jokes Restaurant Jokes Japanese Jokes

Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him...
- Good, good, good...
- Doctor, what's good?
- Good that I don't have what you have...

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

Man goes to the doctors and sayes "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !"
Doctor replies "Do you drink much ?"
Man says "no, I spill most of it !"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!"
Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.

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Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Guy goes to his psychiatrist and says "I'm in love with my dog."
"Well that is not so unusual, millions of people love their dogs."
"But doctor, you don't understand. I'm physically attracted to my dog. I'm in love with my dog."
"Well, is your dog male or female?"
"Female, of course, what the hеll do you think I am, quееr?"

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Pet Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Animal Jokes Love Jokes Dog jokes

Little Johnny's next door neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears. When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny's family to come over and see their new baby.
Little Johnny's parents were very afraid their son would have a wise сrаск to say about the baby. So, Little Johnny's dad had a long talk with Little Johnny before going to the neighbors.
He said, "Now, son...that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears, or I'm really going to spank you when we get back home.
"I promise not to mention his ears at all," said Little Johnny.
At the neighbor's home, Little Johnny leaned over the crib and touched the baby's hand. He looked at its mother and said, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby!"
The mother said, "Thank you very much, Little Johnny."
He then said, "This baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why... just look at his pretty little eyes! Did his doctor say he can see good?"
The Mother said, "Why, yes... his doctor said he has 20/20 vision."
Little Johnny said, "Well, it's a dамn good thing, cause he sure as hеll can't wear glasses!"

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Little Johnny Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes

"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.
"Dear God!" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen."
"OK Doc!" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice."
"I didn't!" said the dentist. "That was the echo."

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Dentist Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?''
''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.''

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Old People Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes

I asked my doctor today how long he thought this COVID thing will last...
He said, “How should I know, I’m a doctor not a politician.”

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Coronavirus Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes