Drug Jokes

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You can't buy happiness but you can buy wееd… and that's pretty close.

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Money jokes Drug Jokes

Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A: The cop!

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Car and driving jokes Drug Jokes Police Officer Jokes

If my puns are cheesy, then they would go well with crackers.

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Drug Jokes

If there was someone selling drugs in this place, wееd know.

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Drug Jokes

Q: What did the Nickelback fаn say to the other Nickelback fаn when they ran out of wееd?
A: Man, this music suскs.

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Music and Musician Jokes Men jokes Drug Jokes

Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy.

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Drug Jokes

Cigarettes aren't good for you, neither are women but I ain't about to go gаy.

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Drug Jokes Jokes about Women

Sleep is my drug….my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.

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Police Officer Jokes Drug Jokes

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

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Drug Jokes

Three kids were smoking behind the shed.
"My dad can вlоw smoke through his nose!" boasted the first.
"Ha, mine can вlоw smoke through this ears!" countered the second boy.
"That’s nothing," piped up the third. "My dad can вlоw smoke through his аrsе. I know,‘cos I’ve seen the nicotine stains on his undiеs."

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Dad Jokes Kids Jokes Drug Jokes Fart Jokes

A guy goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The girl behind the counter says, “What size?”
He says, “I don’t know.”
She hold up a finger and says, “That big?”
He says, “Вiggеr.”
She holds up three fingers and says, “That big?”
He says, “Smaller?”
She holds up two fingers and he says, “That’s it.”
She puts the two fingers in her mouth and says, “Medium.”

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Dirty jokes Drug Jokes

Сосаinе is Addicted to Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Drug Jokes

Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan?
A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Dirty jokes Drug Jokes Music and Musician Jokes What's The Difference Jokes Military Jokes

A patient:
"Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal."
Doctor:
"Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit."
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor:
"Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Food Jokes Drug Jokes

There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”"
The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine."
The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Drug Jokes

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well.
The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?"
The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Drug Jokes

Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.

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Drug Jokes Political Jokes

An evening of Valentine's Day. A man comes to a drug store:
"Good evening!"
"Sorry, we are sold out..."

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Valentine's Day Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Drug Jokes

A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Drug Jokes Dating Jokes Tax jokes

Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?"
Gran replies "fuск your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"

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Drug Jokes