Food Jokes

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McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "What was that all about?"
"Nothin', said the Irishman, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes

Yo mama is so fат she made all the dinosaurs extinct.

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Dinosaur jokes

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant?
An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes

So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still cant cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch роrn? You still cant f*ck."

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Boycott Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes

Q: Why do the French eat snails?
A: They don't like fast food.

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Animal Jokes Nationality Jokes Food Jokes

Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got сrавs!

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Food Jokes

Fат chicks are like refrigerators. Large, full of food, and you probably shouldn't have sеx with it.

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Fat Jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes One-Liner Jokes

Tacos are the sluтs of the food world. Pretty much everything imaginable is jammed into them.

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Food Jokes

Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Q: What did the snowman order at McDonalds ?
A: Icerbergers with chilly sauce!

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Food Jokes

Q. How much room is needed for fungi to grow?
A. As mushroom as possible

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes

I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea.
They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Dad tries to persuade his son to eat the egg he has prepared for him:
"Eat your egg my child to become as big as daddy!"
"I do not want," says the little one.
"Eat it my boy to become strong and powerful."
"I’m telling you, no!" insists the youngest.
"My dear son eat your egg to make your bird grow."
And the mom from the inside "George, you eat the egg… I’ll make burgers for the kid!"

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Dad Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

A man visits his aunt in the nursing home.
It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few magazines, and munches on some peanuts sitting in a bowl on the table.
Eventually, the aunt wakes up, and her nephew realizes he’s absentmindedly finished the entire bowl of peanuts.
"I’m so sorry, auntie, I’ve eaten all of your peanuts!"
"That’s okay, dearie," the aunt replied. "After I’ve suскеd the chocolate off, I don’t care for them anyway."

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Men jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey on Thanksgiving?
They couldn't get the moose in the oven!

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good old days.”
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses.
One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked,
“Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?”
“Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied.
“Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our twenty-fifth anniversary,
I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I’ll go down there and get her.”

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Men jokes Food Jokes Old People Jokes Wedding jokes Weather jokes

What is the difference between turkey and mother-in-law?
There is no difference: both are the best when they are cold on the table.

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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes

What do you call a rabbit who works in a bakery?
A yeaster bunny.

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Animal Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Easter Jokes

Modern American Currency-
One dollar bill: George Washington
Five dollar bill: Abraham Lincoln
Ten dollar bill: Alexander Hamilton
Twenty dollar bill: Andrew Jackson
Fifty dollar bill: Ulysses S. Grant
One hundred dollar bill: Benjamin Franklin
Food Stamps: Barack Obama

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Food Jokes American Jokes American Presidents Humor

Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day?
He fell in love with the Grand National winner!

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Animal Jokes Nationality Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Love Jokes