Food Jokes

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A blonde walks in the ice cream parlor and orders a chocolate ice cream cone.
The clerk tells her that he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a pint of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, just vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a quart of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk once again tells her he has no chocolate ice cream, only vanilla and strawberry.
The blonde then orders a half gallon of chocolate ice cream.
The clerk then asks her how she spells van as in vanilla.
She says, V-A-N.
He then asks her how she spells straw as in strawberry.
She says, S-T-R-A-W
He then asks her how she spells fuск as in chocolate.
After a while she says there is no fuск in chocolate.
THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU
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A guy in a supermarket goes up to the cashier and places two cans of dog food on the counter.
The cashier asks, "Do you have a dog sir?"
"Yes, it's at home," replies the man.
"To be able to sell you the dog food sir, I must see the dog. That is store policy," says the cashier.
Next day the man goes places two cans of cat food on the counter.
"Do you own a cat sir?" asks the cashier.
"Yes I do, it's at home," says the man.
"Well I am sorry sir. Store policy. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," says the cashier.
The next day the man returns to the store and walks directly to the same cashier.
He has a brown paper bag in his hand.
"Here," he says to the cashier, "put your hand in here."
The cashier puts her hand in the brown paper bag.
"It is all soft and warm," she says.
"Yes, that's right," says the man, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper."
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A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. A man wanted to become a monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the head monk. Schwester Agnes tritt in das Kloster des Schweigens ein. Die Oberin Mutter Theresa erklärt ihr:, "Dies ist ein Kloster des Schweigens. Du bist willkommen, so lange du nicht sprichst, bis ich dir... En man beslutade att bli munk och sökte upp ett kloster där huvudregeln var tystnad. Han fick bara säga två ord under varje decennium. Efter tio år kallade abboten honom till sig och sa: - Du kan... Αποφασίζει ένας τύπος να μονάσει και μετά απο πολύ ψάξιμο βρίσκει και αυτός μια μονή να αποσυρθεί. Εγκαταλείπει τον κόσμο και τελικά μια μέρα μπαίνει μέσα στην μονή. Βρίσκει πολλούς ακόμα μοναχούς... Zuster Mary gaat binnen in het Klooster van de Stilte. De priester zei: “Zuster, dit is een stil klooster. U bent hier welkom, zolang als je wilt, maar je mag niet spreken enkel als ik je...
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