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Food Jokes

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Chicken to turkey:
"Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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An old, old man was lying in his death bed upstairs.
His most favorite food in the world was chocolate chip cookies.
As he lay there, gasping for each breath, he was sure he could smell freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies.
He crawled out of bed and slowly limped down the stairs.
Sure enough, across the kitchen, there was a huge platter of chocolate chip cookies on the table.
He finally made it to the table and he reached a shaking hand towards the cookies.
Suddenly, his wife slapped his hand sharply and yelled, "DON’T TOUCH THOSE - they’re for the funeral!"
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Food Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Funeral jokes Chocolate Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
What is the difference between аnаl sеx and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
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What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long?
A runny bunny.
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Animal Jokes Gross Jokes Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes Easter Jokes
There was a black guy, white guy, and a Mexican on a ship.
The ship was sinking so the black guy said, 'quick throw off anything we don't need.' The Mexican threw off tacos, the black guy thre off fried chicken and the white guy threw off the black guy and the Mexican.
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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Food Jokes Mexican jokes Black People Jokes White people jokes
Q: Have you heard about McDonald’s new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
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Food Jokes Money jokes Political Jokes American Presidents Humor
How do you starve a niggеr?
Hide his food stamps under his work boots
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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Boycott Jokes
A patient:
"Doctor, I don’t feel hungry after taking meal."
Doctor:
"Really, your condition is very serious. Wait a bit."
(After sometime, the doctor holds out some medicines).
Doctor:
"Take these pills. You take one pill after your sleep and another one before you get-up."
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Food Jokes Drug Jokes
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about.
He asks his father for advice.
The father replies:
"My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain.
Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl:
"Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?"
Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card.
He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question:
"If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"
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Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?
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Why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?
He was already stuffed!
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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes
Whats an astronauts favorite food? lauchmeat.
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Food Jokes
Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord." He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer:
"Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive."
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Animal Jokes Religion jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Christian Jokes
Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.
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One-Liner Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Wine jokes
I'm not saying I'm racist at all, but....
I put chocolate milk in back of the fridge.
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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes
Animal Facts
1. Hippo milk is pink.
2. If you put alcohol on a scorpion, it will sting itself to death.
3. Vampire bats are one of few mammals that will adopt an orphan our risk its own life to give food to a less fortunate roostmate.
4. Squirrels forget where they hide over half of their nuts.
5. Kittens sleep so much because they only release a special growth hormone while they sleep.
6. It is impossible for pigs to look up at the sky.
7. Sheep can survive two weeks buried in a snow drift.
8. A four foot long walrus реnis воnе sold for $8000 on ebay in 2007.
9. A whale реnis is called a dork.
10. Elephants weigh less than a Blue Whale's tongue.
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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Vampire jokes
A cat died and went to heaven. St. Peter said to the cat, "Is there anything I can do to make your stay here better?"
The cat said, "I've been sleeping on a cold floor and I'd love a warm pillow to sleep on.
St. Peter gave a pillow to the cat, and the cat headed off to bed.
Later, some mice came to St. Peter. They wanted roller skates to get around faster so St. Peter gave them their skates and the mice went off.
The next evening St. Peter checks in on the cat. "How was your night last night?"
The cat said "That pillow you gave me is really nice, but what I like the most about heaven is the Meals on Wheels."
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Saint Peter and Pearly Gates Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes
Q. What do you call a fake noodle?
A. An Impasta!
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Food Jokes Kids Jokes Communication Jokes
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be?
Chocolate filled
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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes
Chuck Norris doesn't actually need to eat. Food just uses his body for protection.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Food Jokes
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