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Food Jokes

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I confess… Here are some clues that tell you I’m from Alabama:
• I think my farts are my best jokes.
• My dog gags when he sees me eat.
• I finally cut the grass on the front lawn and found a car up on cinder blocks.
• My family tree has just one long trunk with no branches.
• Mobile Alabama had an inсеsт contest and I entered my older sister.
• My beard attracts birds.
• I remove my toothpick only for family weddings and group pictures.
• I think of “Fast food” as hitting a possum at 80 mph.
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Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Stupid Jokes Dog jokes
Politically correct terms for cat owners:
- My cat does not ваrf hairballs, he is a floor/rug re-decorator.
- My cat does not break things, she helps gravity do its job.
- My cat does not fear dogs, they are merely sprint practice tools.
- My cat does not gobble, she eats with alacrity.
- My cat does not scratch, he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.
- My cat is not a "shedding machine," she is a hair relocation stylist.
- My cat is not a "treat-seeking missile," she enjoys the proximity of food.
- My cat is not a chatterbox, she is advising me on what to do next.
- My cat is not a dope addict, she is catnip appreciative.
- My cat is not a ruthless hunter, she is a wildlife control expert.
- My cat is not evil, she is badness enhanced.
- My cat is not fат, he is mass enhanced.
- My cat is not hydrophobic, she has an inability to appreciate moisture.
- My cat is not underfoot, she is shepherding me to my next destination
(which should always be the food dish).
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Political Jokes Fat Jokes
Two men are drinking in a bar.
They pull out the sandwiches their wives had lovingly prepared and tuck in.
The bartender comes over and says "you can't eat your own food in here"
So they swapped sandwiches.
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Food Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes
Would you like to try African food??
They would too.
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Food Jokes
Ban pre-shredded cheese…. Make America grate again!!
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Food Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes Cheese jokes
My Chinese waiter thinks all white people look alike and gave my food to the wrong customer
Wait. Never mind. That wasn't my waiter.
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Food Jokes White people jokes
Dark humor is a lot like food.
Not everyone gets it.
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Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes
My room + internet connection + music + food - homework = perfect day.
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Food Jokes Internet Jokes Life Jokes
What do you call a bull that runs into a threshing machine?
Hamburger.
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Animal Jokes Food Jokes
Superman is weakened when exposed to Kryptonite.
Chuck Norris eats Kryptonite for breakfast without even a belch.
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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Superhero Jokes
"Hey Jaeger, are you enjoying that apple?"
"Sure, why do you ask."
"I was going to offer you some toast."
"How kind of... I'll accept."
"Great, but what's toast without any butter Jaeger."
"You're right about that!"
"Well give me a few seconds, let me go scrape some off of your mother's teeth!"
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Gross Jokes Food Jokes
When Chuck Norris wants salad, he eats a vegetarian.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Food Jokes Vegan and Vegetarian Jokes
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a соw a pogo stick.
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Animal Jokes Food Jokes
What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat?
Thistle have to do.
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Animal Jokes Food Jokes
How come oysters never donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish.
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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes
What does a cooked chicken and a stoner who is afraid of everything have in common?
They are both baked chickens.
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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Drug Jokes
Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.
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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes American Presidents Humor
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes
Das schwierige Puzzle Eine Blondine kauft ein Puzzle Puzzle για ξανθιές. Το πάζλ. Preocupadíssima, a loira liga para o celular do namorado: Eine Blondine ruft total verzweifelt Ihren Freund von der Arbeit aus an. Der Mann hebt ab und fragt was Sie denn habe. Sie total fertig, antwortet: "Ich habe mir heute ein Puzzle in der Stadt gekauft, schaffe es aber nicht es zusammenzubauen." "Warum denn", fragt der Freund. "Es hat lauter gleich... Une blonde appelle son mari, en panique: "- Chéri? Vite, rentre à la maison !! - Que se passe t il? - J'ai voulu faire un puzzle toute seule, alors jen ai acheté un, c'était écrit "idéal pour le développement des enfants" dessus. Il y a un joli coq dessiné dessus. Mais même pour les enfants, je... Blondynka dzwoni do swojego chłopaka i mówi: - Kochanie, przyjeżdżaj jak najszybciej, mam naprawdę trudne puzzle do ułożenia. - A co one przedstawiają na pudełku? - Nie wiem, chyba tygrysa. Chłopak decyduje się przyjechać. Kiedy już dojechał załamany mówi: - Kochanie, zrelaksuj się, napijmy się... Le gars reçoit un téléphone de sa blonde " blonde " qui lui dit: - "Je suis découragée, j'ai acheté une boîte de casse-tête et je ne suis pas capable de le faire. " - "C'est quoi le modèle sur la... Raymond reçoit un coup de fil de sa blonde preferee, Gloria qui, visiblement, a quelques problemes : - "J'ai besoin de ton aide, Raymond." - "Qu'est ce qui se passe ?" interroge celui-ci. Gloria :... En blondin ringer sin pojkvän och säger: - Kan du komma över och hjälpa mig? Jag har ett jättepussel. Och jag kan för mitt liv inte komma på hur jag ska göra. Hennes pojkvän frågar: - Vad ska... Een dom blondje belt haar man op. Blondje: “Schat, ik heb een probleem!” Man: “Vertel...” Blondje: “Ik ben vanmiddag aan een puzzel begonnen maar ik kom er niet uit!” Man: “Zo moeilijk zou het... En blondin ringer till sin pojkvän. - Hej, kan du komma hit och hjälpa mej med ett vansinnigt svårt pussel? - Vad föreställer den? Asså pusslet? frågar han. - Typ nån tupp, svarar blondinen. -... A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be... "Een blondje belt haar vriend, met de mededeling dat ze een probleem heeft."Wat is er aan de hand?" vraagt hij."Nou, ik heb een legpuzzel gekocht, maar ik vind 'm zo moeilijk.De stukjes passen... Блондинка кличе свого бойфренда: — Допоможи мені скласти паззла, я не знаю як почати... — А що це повинно бути??? — На коробці був намальований гномик. Показує йому шматочки, розсипані на столі.... Mία ξανθιά παίρνει τηλέφωνο κλαίγοντας τον άνδρα της στο γραφείο. - Γιατί κλαις γλυκιά μου; - Να, προσπαθώ να φτιάξω ένα παζλ αλλά... δεν τα καταφέρνω. Όλα τα κομμάτια φαίνονται ίδια. - Τι παζλ; -... Superblondinen Lonnie ringer til sin fyr John: Lonnie: “Hej John, kan du ikke komme over og hjælpe mig?” John: “Selvfølgelig Lonnie, hvad er der galt?” Lonnie: “Jeg har lige købt et nyt puslespil,... Ein Mann kommt nach Hause, wo seine blonde Freundin völlig aufgelöst und verheult am Küchentisch sitzt. „Schatz, was ist los?“ „Ich komm mit dem neuen Puzzle nicht klar, da passen ja keine zwei... Eine Blondine ruft ihren Freund bei der Arbeit an. Sie sagt: „ich mache da ein Puzzle aber ich krieg es nicht hin.“ fragt der Freund „Hast du eine Vorlage?“ Sagt sie ja, da ist ein roter Hahn drauf... Eine Blondine ruft bei ihrem Mann, auf der Arbeitsstelle an: "Schatz ich habe im Schrank ein Puzzle gefunden, aber die Teile sehen alle gleich aus. Ich bekomme das nicht zusammengesetzt" Darauf ihr... A szőke nő idegesen felhívja a barátját: - Át tudnál hozzám gyorsan jönni? Nagyon nehéz ez a puzzle, már órák óta kínlódok vele, azt sem tudom honnan kezdjem! - Minek kellene kijönnie belőle? - A... Blondinen lægger puslespil... Mandens telefon ringer. Det er hans kæreste (som er blondine). "Skat, du bliver nødt til at komme hjem og hjælpe mig. Jeg kan simpelthen ikke lægge det her puslespil!"... Blondīne sauc savu draugu: - Palīdzi man salikt puzli, es nezinu, ar ko sākt! - Kam tur jābūt attēlotam? - Uz kastes bija uzzīmēts tīģeris. Blondīne rāda savam draugam pa galdu izkaisīto puzli. Tas... A loira liga para o celular do Fabinho, seu namorado: — Tô com um problema. — O que houve? — Eu comprei um quebra-cabeça, mas é muito difícil! — As peças não se encaixam e eu não consigo encontrar... Een blondje belt haar echtgenoot op zijn mobieltje. Blondje: "Ik heb een probleem!" Echtgenoot: "Zeg het maar" Blondje: "Ik heb net een puzzel gekocht, maar ik kom er niet uit!" Echtgenoot: "Is ie... Une blonde apelle son mari, elle est en pleure : - J'en peut plus, ça fait des heures que je suis bloqué sur ce puzzle. - Ah bon, laisse moi regarder... Ah oui, Alors, je te propose de remettre les... A blonde buys a puzzle and takes it home. After an hour she has none of it together, so she gets frustrated and calls her boyfriend Anant She says " I just bought this puzzle, but i can't find any... A blonde girl calls her boyfriend at work, "Darling, I'm doing this jigsaw puzzle but I just can't figure it out. All the pieces look the same." "And do you have the picture of what it's supposed... Μια ξανθιά, παίρνει τηλέφωνο μια μελαχρινή φίλη της και της λέει: - "Φτιάχνω ένα παζλ, αλλά δε μπορώ να συνδέσω τα κομμάτια, θα έρθεις να με βοηθήσεις; " - "Ναι. Τι εικόνα έχει το παζλ;", ρωτάει η... Uma loira chegou em casa correndo com uma caixinha de baixo do braço, e ficou um dia inteiro trancada no quarto, foi quando resolveu chamar seu namorado para lhe ajudar a montar seu... A loira liga para o celular do namorado: — Mô, oi, sou eu... Tô com um problema enorme. — O que houve querida? — Eu comprei um quebra-cabeça, mas é muito difícil... As peças não se encaixam... —... Uma loira comprou uma caixa com um tigre. Desespe- rada, após algum tempo, liga para o celular do namorado dizendo: — Beto,estou há horas tentando montar um quebra- cabeça de um tigre e não... A loira liga desesperada para o namorado: — Meu amor preciso de ajuda. — O que aconteceu querida - pergunta o namorado. — Estou a horas tentando montar um quebra cabeça de um tigre mas nãom consigo... A loira Patrícia liga para o namorado Maurício, desesperada: — Maurício, comprei um quebra-cabeça e não encontro os cantos, não acho o começo, aí meu deus, me ajuda. — Calma, Patrícia. Que figura... De repente a loira liga para o marido: Benhe!!!!¡¡¡¡!!!! To com um serio problema e o marido fala o que foi??? É que eu ñ consigo montar esse quebra cabeça eu ja não te ensinei como se monta um... O marido da loira esta no serviso quando o telefone toca: — Alo, responde ele. — Oi mor, que Horas voce volta? — Daqui a pouco estou ai. 2 Horas depois ela liga novamente para o marido: — Mor,vem... A loira liga desesperada para o seu namorado: — Fabinho,comprei um quebra-cabeça e não consigo montar,as peças parecem ser todas iguais!Por favor,venha aqui em casa me ajudar. Fabinho diz: — Qual é... A loira, liga para o celular do namorado: — Amoor !! To com um problemao. — O que houve? — Eu comprei um quebra-cabeca, mas e muito dificil de montar ... As pecinhas nao se encaixam... — Amor, eu... Uma loira tentou montar um quebra-cabeca. Logo depois ligou para o marido e perguntou: — Marcelo, eu não consigo montar o quebra-cabeça. — Já te expliquei como se monta, disse o marido. — Mas esse... Um dia em casa uma loira liga para o namorado: — Amor eu comprei um quebra cabeça e não consigo montar. Ai o namorado fala: — Você presisa primeiro achar os cantinhos: — Mais eu não consigo amor. —... A loira telefona ao marido: — BENHê EU TO COM UM PROBLEMA GRANDE. — O que foi? — Eu comprei um quebra-cabeça e não sei montar!As peças não se encaicham. — Qual é a figura? — É um tigre. — Está bem,... Een dom blondje is alleen thuis en ze belt haar man op zijn werk. Haar man vraagt aan de telefoon waarom ze belt en ze antwoordt: "Ik ben bezig met een puzzel maar ik kan hem niet maken". "Is er... Blondýnka volá manželovi do práce: „Miláčku, koupila jsem si puzzle a nemůžu ho složit.” „A co je tam za obrázek?” „No, je tam lžíce, talíř a mléko,” popisuje blondýnka. „Ty jsi blbá,” rozčílí se...
A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"
"Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"
"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."
"Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."
"It's a big rooster," she said.
The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."
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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Food Jokes Blonde Jokes
Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.
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Food Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Coffee Jokes
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