Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Wal- Mart in a buggy.
Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here’s something for you, Diploma." or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma." and so on.
Eventually a bewildered shopper who’d heard all this finally asked,
"Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"
The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to the University of Virginia and this is what she came home with!"

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A mother found out she was pregnant and told the good news to anyone who would listen.
One day when mother and son were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.
‘Yes!’ the four-year-old said.
‘And I know what we are going to name it, too.
If it's a girl we're going to call her Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!'

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Jokes about Women News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes

I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too.

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Kids Jokes Attitude Jokes

Man:knock knock
Kid:whos there Man:i see you do
Kid:i seee you do who?
Man:my girlfriend!

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Knock-knock jokes

I bet that when gаys were kids, they always tried to shove the cylinder in the star shaped hole.

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Kids Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes

How should you treat a baby goat?
Like a kid.

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Baby Jokes

A Baptist, a Catholic, and a Mormon are in the maternity ward. The Baptist says, “One more son and I have a basketball team.” The Catholic says, “That’s nothing, one more kid and I have a baseball team.” The Mormon guy says, “That’s nothing, one more wife and I have a golf course.”

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Religion jokes Kids Jokes

How many more times are my kids going to ask me if I know where something is before they realize they're asking the wrong parent?

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Kids Jokes Attitude Jokes

My son told his teacher the Indians could not possibly have served popcorn to the Pilgrims at the first Thanksgiving because they didn't have microwave ovens.

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Kids Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes School Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class.
The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it.
So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.
"Abcdefghijlkmnoqrstuvwxyz."
"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?
"It's running down my leg."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes

A girl asks her father, " Why does it rain? Is it God sweating or crying?"
" No," says her father, " it rains to make the plants grow. Do you understand?"
" Not exactly," says the girl. " Why does it rain on the sidewalk?"

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Religion jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes God Jokes

An old timer was sitting in his rocking chair on his front portch when a kid comes walking by with something in his hands.
The old timer asks the kid, "Hey son. Whatcha got there?"
The kid replies,
"I got me some chicken wire. I'm gonna catch me some chickens."
The old timer responds, "Oh son, you can't catch no chickens with chicken wire."
A short time later the old timer sees the kid come back with a bunch of flapping chickens all caught up in the chicken wire.
"Well, I'll be...'" says the old timer scratching his head.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer. This time he has something round and gray in his hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands this time?"
The kid responds, "I got me some duct tape. I'm gonna catch me some ducks."
The old timer laughs, "Son, you can't catch no ducks using duct tape."
A short time later the kid comes back with a bunch of ducks caught-up and quacking in the duct tape."
The old man cannot believe his eyes.
The next day the kid comes walking past the old timer, again with something in hs hands.
The old timer shouts out to the kid, "Hey kid, whatcha got in your hands today?"
The kid shouts back to the old timer, "I got me some рussy willow."
The old timer shouts out, "Hold on son... While I get my hat!"

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Kids Jokes Men jokes Redneck jokes

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds.
The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his ваlls weighed five pounds.
All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong.
The head nurse replied, "We don't know what to do with this baby."
So the chief surgeon took one look and said,
"You should put him into a mental institution."
"Why?' asked the head nurse.
"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him.
The boy is obviously half nuts."

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes Boss Jokes

Got a case for my iPhone even though the screen is already cracked. So basically it's like putting a соndом on my kid's head.

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Kids Jokes Programmer Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes

The cruel kids at school used to call me four eyes.
Still, quite a creative nickname seeing as I- I- I- I have a stutter..

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Disability Jokes

I don't get out that much now that I've become a single father. Let me just use this opportunity to just warn some of the guys in the audience: when you're out drinking, just use moderation, take it easy. Seriously, all it takes is one irresponsible night when you get drunк and you stumble into an adoption agency.

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Kids Jokes Single People Jokes

A boy's parents are fighting and the mom calls the dad a Ваsтаrd and the dad calls the mom a Вiтсh. The kid asks them what it means and they say Ladies and Gentlemen.
That night the son walks in on his parents having angry sеx.
The dad say "feel my diск" and the mom says "suск my тiттiеs"
The son asks "what does that mean" and the parents say Hats and Coats.
The next day the dad is shaving and cuts himself so he screams "shiт!" and the kid asks what it meas and the dad says its a brand of shaving cream.
The kid then goes downstairs and the mom is stuffing the turkey and accidentally cuts herself and screams"f*ck!"
When the guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner the kid answers the door and says.
"Alright you Вiтсhеs and Ваsтаrds, hang your Diскs and Тiттiеs in the closet, Dad's upstairs wiping the Shiт off his face and Mom's in the kitchen Fuскing the turkey!"

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes

You Might be an Internet Hobo if:
You spend more time online trying to find a way of making money than actually making money.
You have more than one degree from an online university.
Your little black book is full of usernames and passwords.
Your space is My-space.
You think a vacation is Google’s earth.
Your 15 minutes of fame is on You-tube.
Road rage means a dial up connection.
You hear your kids say "the snail man's here".

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Computer Jokes Men jokes Internet Jokes

*Me when I turn 18*
Parents: Do this.
Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.

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Kids Jokes Teenager and High School Jokes Harry Potter Jokes

Yo mama so fат when she walked out in August in her yellow sun dress and the kids said mommy its time for school.

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fat Jokes