Men jokes

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Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.”
T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.”
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, sсrеwеd the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
Инженер, счетоводител, химик и държавен служител започнали спор чий котарак е най-умен. 5 τύποι, ένας μηχανικός, ένας λ ογιστής, ένας χημικός, ένας κομπιουτεράς και ένας δημόσιος υπάλληλος καυχιόντουσαν για το πόσο έξυπνα σκυλιά έχουν. 3 Katzen treffen sich zum gemeinsamen Fressen. Die erste Katze ist die eines Architekten, die zweite die eines Chemikers und die dritte die eines Regisseurs. Alle drei sitzen vor ihren Futternäpfen voller Brekkies. Die Katze des Architekten nimmt die Brekkies, baut damit 4 Wände, zieht einen... Un ingénieur, un comptable, un chimiste, un informaticien et un fonctionnaire se vantaient d'avoir un chien merveilleux. Pour le démontrer, l'ingénieur dit à son chien : - Racine carrée,... Czterech mężczyzn - inżynier, chemik, księgowy oraz pracownik administracji państwowej spierało się czyj pies jest najmądrzejszy. Inżynier zawołał do swojego psa: - Pi, pokaż co umiesz! Pies... Un ingeniero, un contable, un químico, un informático y un funcionario se vanaglorian por tener cada uno un maravilloso perro. El ingeniero llama a su can: - ¡Raíz cuadrada, enséñanostu talento!...
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70-годишен милионер при доктора: 80-летний старик приходит к доктору: - я на следующей неделе опять... Докторот: Ein 82-Jähriger kommt zum Doktor. Ein achtzigjähriger Mann erzählt seinem Arzt, dass er nächste Woche noch einmal heiraten möchte. Der Arzt sagt: Arzt: "Gute Frau, sie sind jetzt 92, Ihr Freund 21, da kann jeder Sexualkontakt zum Tode führen!" Worauf die alte Dame meint: "Na ja, dann stirbt er halt!"
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An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida. At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going. The wife says "what did he say". The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going. He then tells the officer that we are going to... Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says, "We're from...
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The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter.
The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.
But then he said that he could recognize any animal’s skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.
This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started.
The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the BET was on.
They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin.
After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, “Springbok.”
Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, “And it was shot with a 22 rifle.”
He was right!
The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before.
When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round.
So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.
He took a bit longer this time and then said, “Kalahari Lion.”
Fingering the bullet hole, he added, “The rifle was a 308.”
He was right again!
This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks.
Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hеll of a shiner.
So he said to his wife, “Listen, I know I was drunк last night, but not too drunк to know that I didn’t get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?”
His wife replied angrily, “From me!”
“What did I do?” he asked.
She replied, “You got into bed and put your hand inside my раnтiеs. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, ‘Skunk, killed with an ax!’”
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Ημερολόγιο Ινδιάνου Журналисти отиват в едно село, за да интервюират дядо столетник: En journalist skulle skriva om en gammal bonde som levt hela sitt liv i en avlägsen by, så han reste dit för en intervju. Efter att ha vandrat runt en stund på gården bjöd bonden på kaffe.... Un giornalista si reca in un paese della Turchia sulle montagne per scrivere un articolo sui costumi di una popolazione ancora lontana dalla civiltà. Incontrato un vecchietto e gli chiede di...
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Мъж става в 04: Един запален по риболова мъж всяка сутрин става и излиза от къщата си в 4. В събота, рано сутринта, станах тихо, облякох се, направих си обяд и тихо отидох в гаража. По риба Golfer Зима. Студ! Виелица! 5 часа сутринта! Samstagmorgen bin ich sehr früh aufgestanden! Am frühen Morgen geht ein Mann auf die Jagd. Im Wald angekommen, beginnt es zu regnen, der Wind nimmt zu. Der Mann beschließt umzukehren. Жена и мъж си лежат в леглото една нощ, а навън бушува страшна буря. По едно време мъжът, запален ловджия, скача от леглото и казва на жена си, че отива на лов. Пошел мужик на рыбалку зимой. Вышел из дома — кругом пурга, метель. Решил не идти на рыбалку и вернулся домой. Ложится в постель рядом с женой, обнимает ее. Жена спрашивает: Έξι τα ξημερώματα, ο σύζυγος σηκώνεται στις μύτες των ποδιών του για να μη ξυπνήσει τη γυναίκα του. Das Wetter ist regnerisch und es ist nasskalt, aber der Angler geht ans Wasser angeln. Da sich noch ein Gewitter angesagt hat, packt er das Angelzeug nicht aus und geht zurück nach Hause und legt sich leise zu seiner Frau. Unter der Decke sagt er: Draußen ist aber ein Sauwetter! Die Frau... O sujeito estava pescando na lagoa, às sete da manhã, quando começa a garoar. Ele, um pescador fanático, não liga para a garoa e continua pescando, mas meia hora depois já cai um verdadeiro toró e... Sábado, como de hábito, o cara levantou cedo, colocou os agasalhos silenciosamente, tomou o café e até deu um passeio com o cachorro. Em seguida, foi até a garagem e engatou o barco de pesca no... Zaterdagochtend, half zeven, een fervent wielrenner ontwaakt, glipt stilletjes uit bed om z'n vrouw niet wakker te maken en verdwijnt in alle stilte in de badkamer. Eenmaal in zijn renners outfit,... Een man staat 's morgens geruisloos op, gaat naar de badkamer en begint zich aan te kleden om te gaan fietsen. Wanneer hij is aangekleed gaat hij naar de garage neemt zijn fiets en opent de... Lördag morgon gick jag upp tidigt, klädde tyst på mig, gjorde i ordning lunchpaketet, tog med mig hunden och slank tyst in i garaget. Jag hakade på båtsläpet på bilen och backade ut ur garaget bara... A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat and off he goes, all day long. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses... Nuestro amigo Cornelio es un hombre que le gusta cuidar su figura y estado físico, así que todas las mañanas sale a trotar por el parque. Cualquier día, como de costumbre, se levanta a las 5... När jag kom hem i går begärde min fru att jag skulle ta henne till ett dyrt ställe. Jag tog henne till en bensinstation. Åsså började fajten... På kvällen låg min fru och jag i sängen och tittade... Myśliwy wychodzi wcześnie rano na polowanie. Jest jednak zimno i pada deszcz. Myśliwy decyduje się na powrót. W domu rozbiera się i kładzie w łóżku obok swojej żony. - Jak jest na zewnątrz ?... -... Sâmbătă dimineață m-am trezit devreme, m-am îmbrăcat în liniște, mi-am pregătit un pachet cu mâncare pentru prânz, am luat câinele, am mers apoi tiptil până în garaj, am atașat barca la Jeep și am... Το Σάββατο πρωί σηκώθηκα νωρίς, ντύθηκα ήσυχα, έφτιαξα το πρωινό μου και πήγα στο γκαράζ. Έδεσα την βάρκα στο φορτηγάκι, και έκανα να βγώ από γκαράζ όταν διαπίστωσα ότι έβρεχε καταρρακτωδώς. Πήγα...
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