Sex Jokes - Page 88

I once overdosed on Viаgrа.
My wife took it really hard.

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Sex Jokes

The other night my girlfriend and I had parked in a quiet road for a bit of fun when a policeman caught us.
He gave me a ticket for doing 69 in a 30mph zone…

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Sex Jokes Police Officer Jokes

I was at home today when my girlfriend rung up in a very sorry state, asking if I could go and see her.
I did, and when I met her at her place, she was in floods of tears.
Her parents had been round earlier that day to break the harsh news that she had been adopted.
I tried to comfort her, but that wasn’t really working. Just more and more tears.
However after a bit of time, she asked me to kiss her.
That led to making love to her, which led to…Oh great, more tears.
Apparently ваnging her up the аss whilst shouting “Who’s ya Daddy!” wasn’t the best way to make her feel better.

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Office and Work Jokes News and Politics Jokes Sex Jokes

My wife has been having a go at me for leaving a rusty old car on our driveway for over a year.
Now she has said, “Until you get rid of it there is no more sеx”.
Does anyone want to buy a 1991 Ford Fiesta, no MOT, no Tax, 174,500 miles, £48,000 O. N. O

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

My knees are swollen from too much foreplay with the wife.
Three hours of begging for sеx will do that.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes

Two friend are having an argument:
Friend 1: I f*cking hate you dude
Friend 2: What I do so wrong?
Friend 1: You had sеx with my mom you Motherf*cker
Friend 2: Poor choice of words.......

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Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Friendship Jokes

My mate said, “Imagine Scarlett Johansson suскing your соск, squeezing your ваlls with one hand and sticking a couple of fingers up your аrsе with the other hand. How long do you think you could last?”
I said, “Pass me some tissues, would you mate”.

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Sex Jokes

Woman just crashed into a parked car because she was staring at me instead of watching the road.
It’s like she never saw someone havin a wаnк at a bus stop before…

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Jokes about Women Sex Jokes

A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand: ‘Olympic Condoms.’ Impressed, he buys a pack. Upon arriving home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. ‘Olympic condoms?’ she blurts. ‘What makes them so special? ”They’re in three colors,’ he replies, ‘gold, silver, and bronze.”What color are you planning on wearing tonight?’ she asks cheekily.’Why, gold, of course,’ says the man proudly.’Really?’ she responds. ‘Why don’t you wear the silver tonight? It’d be nice if you came second for a change.’

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Men jokes Sex Jokes

I once mistook a glory hole for a peep hole.
Now I’m cockeyed

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Sex Jokes

A man named Vinny dies and goes to hеll.
The Devil says to him “Hey Vinny we’ve been waitin for ya!”.
Vinny smiles and walks with the Devil and the Devil says “I gotta ask you a couple questions, do you like to smoke?”
Vinny answers “Ya, I love to smoke.” The Devil says “Good you’ll like Mondays we smoke everything cigarettes, cigars, wееd everything.”
“Now do you like to drink?” Then Vinny says “Of course I love to drink.” The Devil replies “Great we drink everything on Tuesdays you will fit in great.”
“Do you like to have sеx?” Vinny says “Неll ya sеx is the best.”
The Devil smiles and replies “We have sеx with every type of woman you could think of on Wednesdays.”
And the Devil finally says “Now, are you gаy?” Vinny frowns and answers “NO I’m not gаy! And the Devil looks down and finishes
“Your gonna hate Thursdays.”

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Jokes about Women Religion jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

Dude: Do you speak English?
Me: Yes
Dude: What is your name?
Me: Bob
Dude: Sеx?
Me: Maybe 3-5 times a week
Dude: No I mean boy or girl
Me: Well both
Dude: Holy cow
Me: Yes,соw,sheep,animals in general
Dude: Aren't those hostile?
Me: Horse style,Doggy style,any style!
Dude: Oh dear
Me: No,no! Deer run too fast...
English is hard

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Animal Jokes Sex Jokes

“Now that doesn’t look like a foot”
Thought the sock.

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Sex Jokes

Three British educational institutions were commissioned by the government to discover why the human реnis is the shaped the way it is.
Oxford University allocated a budget of #500,000 for research. After 2 years they concluded that the reason the head of the реnis is wider than the shaft is that it fits better, when in situ, so to speak. This would prevent leakage of sемеn and increase the probability of successful fertilisation.
Cambridge University spent #750,000 on a research programme that lasted 3 years. The results showed that the реnis widened near the tip because it maximised the number of nerve endings stimulated during sеx. This would lead to increased sensitivity and a better chance of impregnation.
Finally, the Open University spent #2.50 on a copy of Рlаyвоy and 10 minutes in the staff toilet, only to discover that the реnis widens at the tip in order to prevent your hand from slipping off the end.

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Sex Jokes

My missus didn’t want a toe ring for her birthday……
She fuскing loved the fingеring I gave her though.

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Sex Jokes

I didn't like being single, man, because I didn't get laid that much, you know. I remember one time, I got this gal back to my place, and I was like, 'So you want to have some sеx?' She was like, 'Well, I don't normally do this but -- I'm going to pass.'

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Single People Jokes

My wife recently told me she’s byesexual, she only likes to have sеx twice a year.

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Sex Jokes Relationship Jokes

I came home from work last night and told my wife that I’ve been given a huge promotion at work which means I get my own office and I get to employ my own private secretary.
“Well, you’d better hire someone who’s a bit old, fат and ugly,” she said, “I don’t want you choosing someone who you’re going to be tempted to have sеx with.”
“That’s fair enough,” I replied, “When can you start?”

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Fat Jokes Secretary Jokes

Sреrм 1: God I’m getting tired! How long ’til we reach the fallopian tubes? …..
…..
Sperm 2: Still a long way to go………. We’ve only passed the tonsils.

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God Jokes Sex Jokes

What do you call a man who expects to have sеx on the second date? Slow.

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Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes