Single People Joke

Girl: You spend way too much time on your x-box and never anytime with me :(
Boy: But i'm trying to achieve a new level
Girl: Hey gues what?!
Boy: What?
Girl: Level Achieved - SINGLE

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Me wee Oyrish Mum yanked me out of Med School immediately upon learning that the boy and girl students had to share a single curriculum.

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College jokes School Jokes Single People Jokes

Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one.
On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish.
He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?"
"Why do you want me to throw them at you?"
"Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
"Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange trout."
"Why's that?"
"Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange trout. That's what she'd like for supper tonight."

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Military Jokes Single People Jokes Life Jokes

Six retired Floridians play high stakes poker in the condo clubhouse.
A member of the group, Meiers, loses $5,000 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five finish playing the hand standing up.
Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna' tell his wife?"
They cut the cards, and Goldberg "wins" the duty. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, not to make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name," he says. Leave it to me."
Goldberg goes over to the Meiers' apartment and knocks on the door. Mrs. Meiers wife answers and asks what he wants.
Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $5,000 playing poker, and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!" says the wife.
"Will do," he says.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Single People Jokes

The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.
“I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.”
The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.”
The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.”
She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.

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Animal Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes Christian Jokes

5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".

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Relationship Jokes Single People Jokes

What do you say to your single friends on Valentine’s Day?
Happy Independence Day!

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Valentine's Day Jokes Friendship Jokes Single People Jokes

If you are single on Valentine's Day, no matter if you're a boy or a girl, you'll both be using tissues for 2 completely different reasons.

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Valentine's Day Jokes Single People Jokes

Being single is cool cause you can eat a whole jar of pepperoncinis and spend the rest of the night farting spicily into the abyss.

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Gross Jokes Food Jokes Single People Jokes Fart Jokes

I hear Taylor Swift's ex boyfriends are collabing on a new single called "Maybe You're The Problem".

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Men jokes Music and Musician Jokes Relationship Jokes Single People Jokes

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nакеd."
With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!"
She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!"
With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hеll did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"

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Blonde Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you're bad luck."

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Business jokes Single People Jokes

Had a fight with an еrестiоn this morning.
I beat it single handedly.

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Dirty jokes Single People Jokes

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.

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Single People Jokes Dirty jokes

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots fall out." As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow. The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"

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Military Jokes Office and Work Jokes Single People Jokes

I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work.
To my horror, it came back with –2,193,674 rows affected.

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Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Single People Jokes

A lady puts an ad in the paper that reads: "Recently single and looking for a man that will not run away, not hit me and treat me right in the bedroom."
One day her door веll rings and there is a man with no arms and no legs at the door.
He says: "I am here to answer your ad in the paper. I have no arms so I will not hit you and no legs so I cannot run away."
She says: "What about the good in bed part?"
He says: "How do you think I rang the doorbell?"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes

This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed."
One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?"
The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Single People Jokes Boss Jokes

A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator.
The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, lets see!"
So the man whips out his diск and shoves it in the gators mouth.
He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it.
A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his diск without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."

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Animal Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sex Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Single People Jokes

Superman can leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Chuck Norris just picks the buildings up and moves them out of his way.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Single People Jokes Superhero Jokes