Single People Jokes

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A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.
Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She’s also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, “My God, you saved my life!”
He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford!
Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They’ve set up a hut, there’s fruit on the trees, and they’re in heaven. Cindy’s fallen madly in love with our man, and they’re making passionate love morning, noon and night.
Alas, one day she notices he’s looking kind of glum. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” she asks, “We have a wonderful life together, I’m in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?”
He says, “Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt?”
“Sure,” she says, “if it will help.” He takes off his shirt and she puts it on.
“Now would you put on my pants?” he asks.
“Sure, honey, if it’s really going to make you feel better,” she says.
“Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?” he asks.
“Whatever you want, sweetie,” she says, and does.
Then he says, “Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?”
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, “Dude! You’ll never believe who I’m sleeping with!”
Σενάριο : Ένας τύπος ναυαγεί σ` ένα νησί με την Cindy Crawford και παρά την ερημιά , παρά τη μοναξιά , για αρκετές βδομάδες το έπαιζε άνετος και δεν έκανε καμιά κίνηση . Τελικά , δεν άντεξε και τη... Un avion s’écrase sur une île déserte, et laisse deux survivants : un homme et Cindy Crawford. N’ayant pas d’autres possibilités, notre couple s’entend donc pour avoir des relations sexuelles. Six...
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An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”
The agent replied, “I am sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone, “May I have your attention please, ” she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14.”
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore “F*** You!” Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry sir, but you’ll have to get in line for that too.”
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Two brothers, Ralph and Dexter, had the same routine every Sunday morning. They would each grab a 12 pack of their favorite brew and head out for a day of hunting.
They had their special field that they went to every time, but for the past few weeks their spot was really slow. They sat in their field for hours without seeing a single bird. They finished their beers and were getting very bored. So they finally decided that it was time to find a new spot.
So Ralph and Dexter stumbled through the fields laughing and carrying on until they saw this field behind an old farmhouse just full of geese. The brothers new that they would have to get permission to hunt on this farmer's land so they used paper, rock, scissors to decide who would be the one to ask.
Dexter lost and headed up to the house to ask, while Ralph waited behind. When Dexter got up to the house the farmer said it was fine for the boys to hunt, but he had a favor to ask of Dexter before they started hunting. The farmer said,
"My prize mare is very ill and must be put down and I don't have the heart to do it. Since you are here do you think that you could do the job for me?"
For the opportunity to hunt in the field Dexter said that it would be no problem. So he thanked the farmer and headed to the barn.
Ralph came running behind Dexter to see what the farmer had said. Dexter had a pretty good buzz going and thought that he would play a joke on his young, naive little brother and said,
"That farmer won't let us hunt in his field so I'm gonna teach him a lesson."
"What are ya gonna do Dexter?" asked Ralph.
"I'm gonna shoot one of his horses.", Dexter replied.
So Dexter walked into the barn, took aim and "ВАNG", shot the horse.
Suddenly Dexter hears a loud "ВАNG! ВАNG!
"Let's get out of here Dexter!" Ralph Screams. "I just shot two more!"
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There was once a couple named Nancy and Mike Tate, and it was their life's dream to have a compass company. They finally saved enough money and started the Tate's Compass Company. Luck was with them, for the first contract they acquired was to manufacture 750,000 compasses for the Boy Scouts.
Nancy and Mike worked feverishly day and night to meet their deadline, and finished just before the Boy Scout Jamboree was to begin. On the day of the Boy Scout Wilderness hike, each boy scout was given a Tate's Compass to help them find their way. Unfortunately, it was discovered a little too late that every single compass was made with the colored point of the needle facing
the wrong way, so when one was facing North, the needle pointed to the South.
Needless to say, all of the boy scouts got lost and it was the biggest fiasco known in Boy Scout history. The Tate's compass company went out of business, but from this experience came the familiar adage, "He who has a Tate's is lost." (Say it out loud).
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