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USA Jokes

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In communist Russia there is no discrimination. White, black, African, American, British and Asian. They all go to Gulag eventually
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USA Jokes Russian Jokes American Jokes
Americans won’t have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
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Donald Trump Jokes USA Jokes American Jokes
What was Osama Bin Laden’s favorite drink?
A Double Manhattan.
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USA Jokes
9 out of 10 Americans are sтuрid… I’m so glad I’m in the 1%.
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USA Jokes American Jokes
What’s the difference between an American 12 yearold and an African 12 year old? About 40 pounds.
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USA Jokes American Jokes
In Soviet Russia, gаy sеx gets you arrested.
In America, getting arrested gets you gаy sеx.
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USA Jokes Sex Jokes
Crazy USA Laws …
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Bingo games cannot last more than 5 hours (North Carolina) …
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In Quitman, Georgia, Chickens are not allowed to cross the road … (Well there go a thousand jokes!) …
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Policemen are allowed to bite a dog if they think it will calm the dog down (Paulding, Ohio) …
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If you cut down a cactus, you could be sentenced to 25 years in prison. (Arizona)
You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday (Rhode Island)
In Texas, it’s illegal to sell your eyeballs.
It’s against the law to sing off-key in North Carolina.
In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone’s ear while they’re moose hunting.
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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes USA Jokes Police Officer Jokes Stupid Jokes Dog jokes
A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies “we did, but no one liked it.”
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USA Jokes Student jokes German Jokes School Jokes American Jokes
What’s the difference between America and a bottle of milk? – In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.
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USA Jokes
Last year, I went to America on a mountain climbing holiday. I had an accident, and fell 30ft.
I broke both my legs and was bleeding heavily.
I managed to make it to a road, where I flagged down a car which drove me to the hospital.
I crawled into the waiting room, and two nurses ran over to me.
“Oh my God, are you alright?” one of them shouted.
I said, “I’m absolutely fine, why do you ask?” before passing out.
After waking up in the same spot 6 hours later, I realised there’s a time and a place for sarcasm.
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God Jokes USA Jokes Sarcasm Jokes Nurse jokes
Where can you find some of the world’s largest vegetables? – In an American nursing home.
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Why are Americans bad chess players?
They lost two towers.
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Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.
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Food Jokes Donald Trump Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes Cheese jokes American Presidents Humor
Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”
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Food Jokes Men jokes USA Jokes Old People Jokes Aviation Jokes Fart Jokes American Jokes Pilot Jokes
School shooting happens
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk
American student: “First time?”
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School Jokes USA Jokes Student jokes American Jokes
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? – America.
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An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like “it’s an elevator not a lift” and “it’s сhiрs not crisps” etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted “they’re schools, not shooting ranges”.
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School Jokes USA Jokes American Jokes
Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn’t vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
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US Election Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes Bill Clinton Jokes American Presidents Humor
30000 battered women in America, and all this time I've been eating them plain!
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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes USA Jokes
The Russians thought that America was starting a nuclear war when Chuck Norris farted!
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