Valentine's Day Jokes, Valentines day

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It was Valentine's day and Jim and Danielle's first date.
They sat in the darkened cinema waiting for the film to start.
The screen finally lit up with a flashy advertisement for the cinema's concession stand.
Jim and Danielle realised that there was no sound.
The film began but the silence continued.
Suddenly, out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd loudly shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote control?"

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Knock-knock.
Who is there?
Stopwatch.
Stopwatch who?
Stopwatch you're doing and have a happy Valentines Day!

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Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Happy Valentine's Day.

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Hallmark would make "Sorry I don't remember your name" cards.
If your girlfriend really needs to talk to you during the game, she'll appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
A smack to the аss and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would complete a break up.
Birth control would come in ale or lager.
Instead of an engagement ring, you could surprise your fiance with a giant "You're #1!" foam hand.
Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would only occur in leap years.

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Boy Monster:
Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's? Girl Monster: Yes, I did. Thank you. Boy Monster: Is it still beating?

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“It will soon be vaseline day,” said my son.
“Don’t you mean Valentines day?” I replied.
“I know what I mean, ” he answered, “by the way, I need to have a talk with you and mum. “

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How do you prepare a dead baby for Valentine's Day?
You shove a box of chocolates down his throat and a bouquet of roses up his аss.

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Happy Valentines Day

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Others VS Me

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What is a vampire's sweetheart called? His ghoul-friend.

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Why did the sтuрid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending? Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

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A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day.
"What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight," he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

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If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's day, just remember... nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.

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If you are single on Valentine's Day, no matter if you're a boy or a girl, you'll both be using tissues for 2 completely different reasons.

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No woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentines day because no man has a chocolate реnis wrapped in money that еjасulатеs diamonds.

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I got a Valentines card which said:
"Happy Valentines day! Love from you know who ;)"
Why is Voldemort sending me Valentines cards?

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