Valentine's Day Jokes

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Lesbians preparing for Valentines Day.

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Why did the banana get so many Valentine’s Day gifts?
Because it was SO sweet.

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What did the barista’s Valentine say?
I can’t espresso my love for you.

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How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? He gives her a ring.

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A young woman was taking an afternoon nap.
After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day.
"What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight," he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."

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If you're sad about being alone on Valentine's day, just remember... nobody loves you on the other days of the year either.

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If you are single on Valentine's Day, no matter if you're a boy or a girl, you'll both be using tissues for 2 completely different reasons.

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No woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentines day because no man has a chocolate реnis wrapped in money that еjасulатеs diamonds.

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I got a Valentines card which said:
"Happy Valentines day! Love from you know who ;)"
Why is Voldemort sending me Valentines cards?

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What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
Hogs and Kisses!

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You can celebrate Valentine's Day with your heart, I'll celebrate with my liver.

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Boy and girl relationship
Week 1: Facebook chat
Week 2: Dinner Date
Week 3: Amusement park date
Week 4: Trip to foreign country and sex
Week 5: cheats on each other
Week 6: Valentines day
Week 7: break up

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My friend and I work in a lawn-mower-parts warehouse. He had the idea that his wife did not want a card on Valentine’s Day, but when he spoke to her on the phone, he discovered she was expecting one.

Not having time to buy a card on his way home, he was stuck. Then he looked at the lawn-mower trade magazines scattered around the office and got an idea.

Using scissors and glue, he created a card with pictures of mowers, next to which he wrote: “I lawn for you mower and mower each day.”

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Getting in early this year I’ve just bought my wife a present for Valentine’s Day.
I can’t believe how expensive chocolate is nowadays.
25p for a Freddo is a fuскing disgrace.

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When she got flowers from her husband on Valentine's Day, my daughter quickly opened the card. All it said was, "No."

What did that mean? She called her husband and asked him.

"I didn't attach any message. The florist asked if I had a message and I said, 'No'."

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Why should you send your sweetie a valentine? Because you always heart the one you love.

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Let me tell you why I hate Valentine's Day -- 'cause a few years ago, on Valentine's night, I thought I would have a nice, romantic evening in with a lady. But little did I know, that that same night, her ex-boyfriend thought he would try to win her heart back. And, being the sweet, romantic guy that he is, he thought the best way to do this would be to get all coked up and then jump through a window and try to мurdеr me.

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