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Animal Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge on the tenth floor of a skyscraper.
The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I was worried sick."
"It was such nice day, I decided to walk."
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A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit.
They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know."
So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle.
She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car.
Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved.
Then dissapered over it.
The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?"
His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."
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What goes "oom... oom"?
A соw walking backward!
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What did the flower say to be the bee?
"Buzz off you sтuрid ugly hоrny сunт."
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What is a snake's favorite subject in school?
Hissssstory.
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What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A bird that will talk your ear off!
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One simply cannot play fair and win in a zoo - there are way too many cheetahs.
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Q: What do you call a соw with a twitch?
A: Beef jerky.
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A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
"Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever yo do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you."
"In that case," said the boy, "I'll kiss it's вuтт and let it go."
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Chuck Norris can fall up.
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Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
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Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.
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Teacher:
"If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?"
Little Johnny:
"A bad blatter issue."
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What do you call a cat that wants to have sеx?
Freak.
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What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyouthinkysaraus.
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Τα πολλά καρώτα του Γιωρίκα - Откъде знаеш, че морковите са полезни за зрението? Un médico le dice a su paciente: - Las zanahorias son buenas para la vista. - Y eso, ¿Cómo lo sabe? - Muy sencillo, ¿Qué usted ha visto un conejo con gafas? Пацієнт запитує в лікаря: — Лікарю, а правду кажуть, що від моркви зір покращується? — Правду кажуть! Ви коли-небудь бачили зайця в окулярах? Przychodzi baba do lekarza, a lekarz mówi: - Co pani dolega? - Mam bardzo słaby wzrok Na to lekarz: - Proszę jeść dużo marchewek tak jak królik. - Co? - zdziwiła się baba. - No tak widziała pani... Medicul oftalmolog o sfatuieste pe o pacienta sa faca o Cura de morcovi pentru a-si imbunatati vederea. Sceptica, femeia intreaba: - Domnule doctor, sinteti sigur ca nu voi mai avea Probleme cu... - Honnan lehet tudni, hogy a répa jó hatással van a látásra? - Miért? Te láttál már szemüveges nyulat? - Daktare, jeigu valgysiu daug morkų, ar tikrai pagerės mano regėjimas? - Aišku! Argi kada matėte triušį su akiniais?..
Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
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I am a dog
And you are a flower.
I lift my leg up
And give you a shower.
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Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.
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If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
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I have got a new dog.
We have trained together for two months and imagine, after these two months I was able to reach him my paw and managed even barking around on command.
My dog can be proud of myself.
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