Beauty Jokes - Page 4

Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by.
One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuск her!
The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?

37 0

Think of the hottest woman.
Chuck Norris did her.

37 0

Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Beauty Jokes

Teen Girl to Friend: "For the prom, I'm renting a limo, spending $500 on a new dress and bringing in the best makeup artist in the state to do my hair."
Teacher who has overheard the conversation: "Wow, that's more than I spent for my wedding!"
Teen Girl: "Yeah, well you can get married three or four times, but a prom is a once in a lifetime experience."

36 0

Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Friendship Jokes Beauty Jokes School Jokes

H - "Hello?"
W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
H - "Yes."
W - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
H - "What's the price?"
W - "Only $1,500.00."
H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models.
I saw one I really liked.
I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
H-"What price did he quote you?"
W - "Only $60,000..."
H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else..."
H - "What?"
W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year.
It's on sale!!
Remember?
The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property."
H - "How much are they asking?"
W - "Only $450,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"
W - "OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
H - "Bye...I love u too..."
The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

36 0

Political Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Beauty Jokes Phone jokes BMW jokes Banker Jokes

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

36 0

Little Johnny Jokes Beauty Jokes

One day a young teen was in a church for the first time and he got a seat net to a not-so-good-looking woman.
The pastor was preaching and he said: "Tell your neighbour how beautiful they are" and the boy stood up and said pastor "How can you expect me to lie in a church?"

35 0

Kids Jokes Jokes about Women Church jokes Beauty Jokes

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past.
I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Marine assured him.
"I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
"How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager.
"Never better."
The manager was impressed.
No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time."
Said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

35 0

Military Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Management Jokes Beauty Jokes Hotel Jokes Boss Jokes American Presidents Humor

Client:
"The blue looks OK, but it would be great if it was a little more orange. Like "blorange."

35 0

Office and Work Jokes Customer service jokes Beauty Jokes

Phil, a smart and handsome young man, dressed in the latest fashion, walked into this local pub.
He noticed a woman gazing at him without blinking her big eyes.
Phil felt flattered so he walked up to the woman and said in his deepest voice, "I'll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, for just £10 but on one condition."
"The woman appeared to be trapped in the moment and asked as if in a trance,'What's your condition?"
Phil answered, "Tell me your wish in just three words."
There was a long pause, the woman opened her purse, counted out the money and handed it to the man along with her address.
She then looked deeply into his eyes and whispered, "Clean my house."

34 0

Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Men jokes Beauty Jokes Communication Jokes

Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!

34 0

Food Jokes Flirt jokes Beauty Jokes Love Jokes

I like your style
I like your class
but most of all i like your аss.

33 0

Dirty jokes Funny Poems Beauty Jokes

Beautiful?
A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"

32 0

Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Drug Jokes Lawyer Jokes Beauty Jokes

A beautiful woman sits next to a drunк in a bar.
He turns to her and says, ‘Hey, honey.
How about you and me getting it on?
I’ve got a couple of pounds and it looks like you could use the money.’
The woman turns to him and says, ‘What makes you think I charge by the inch?’

32 0

Drinking and Drunk Jokes Jokes about Women Money jokes Sex Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beauty Jokes

Hipsters wear jackets in the summer, before it's cool.

32 0

Hipster Jokes Beauty Jokes

If pretty women from the south are southern bells, would that make pretty women from Mexico taco bells?

32 0

Ethnic and Racial Jokes Jokes about Women Mexican jokes Beauty Jokes

There is legend that goes like this:
In a bar in New York there is a magical mirror If you go up to it and tell it the truth it will grant you a wish If you lie – рооf it swallows you up.
A brunette, a blonde and a redhead walk into this bar.
They head straight for the mirror.
The redhead goes first and says “I think I’m the most beautiful woman on Earth” Рооf- the mirror swallows her up.
The brunette goes up to the mirror and says “I think I’m the sexiest woman on Earth” Рооf – the mirror swallows her up.
Last, the blonde goes up to the mirror says ” I think...” Рооf!

31 0

Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beauty Jokes

One good thing about graduation is that you get to wear a funny hat that makes your brain look larger than it actually is.

31 0

Beauty Jokes Graduation Jokes Stupid Jokes

After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whоrеhоusе.
He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20.
The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left.
He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room.
To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting nакеd on the bed.
So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life.
Upon оrgаsм he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs.
He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"

31 0

Gross Jokes Money jokes Blonde Jokes Beauty Jokes

Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?"
Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied.
"Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey.
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I'll be there too.
Not in the cage, But laughing at you".

31 0

Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Funny Poems Beauty Jokes

A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store.
He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it.
So he walks into the shop and asks an employee:
"Excuse me sir."
"How can I help you" the employee replies.
"Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?"
The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"

31 0

Beauty Jokes Men jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes