Beauty Jokes - Page 5

Q: How do tax accountants make a bold fashion statement?
A: Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.

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In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love.
In college it means someone is too drunк to stand on their own.

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Beauty Jokes School Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes College jokes Love Jokes

Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice.
Except for Chris Brown.

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Beauty Jokes Jokes about Women Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a women are their eyes.
And women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

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Jokes about Women Men jokes Beauty Jokes

Recently, I've been using the Bible for support.
I've got a wobbly coffee table.

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Bible Jokes Beauty Jokes Coffee Jokes

According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating?
Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Beauty Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes Phone jokes

The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.

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American Football Jokes Soccer Jokes Beauty Jokes Europe and European Union Jokes

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl.
One day she told him that the next day was her birthday.
He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

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Men jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Beauty Jokes Birthday Jokes Love Jokes

A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy her cigarettes.
He walks there only to find it closed.
So, he goes into a nearby bar to use their vending machine.
At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.
They have a couple of beers and eventually end up in her apartment.
After they've had some fun, he realizes it's 3 a.m. and says, "My wife's going to кill me. Do you have any talcum powder?"
The woman gives him some talcum powder, which he rubs on his hands and then goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and screeches, "Where the hеll have you been?!"
"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there, we had a few drinks, one thing led to another, and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and says, "You liar! You went bowling again!"

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Beauty Jokes Beer Jokes

Woman: When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful?
Beautician: Maybe.
Does he still drink a lot?

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beauty Jokes

I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats.

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Beauty Jokes Single People Jokes

Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband:
"So, how do I look?"
"Well, at least you tried..."

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Beauty Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.

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Beauty Jokes

Q: What do blondes eat to increase their вrеаsт size?
A: Silicone сhiрs.

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Blonde Jokes Food Jokes Beauty Jokes Stupid Jokes

Two young men from up in Minnesota were looking at a Sears catalog and admiring the models.
Ole says to the Sven "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"
Sven replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"
Ole says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren’t very expensive. At this price, I’m buying one.”
Sven smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she’s as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."
Three weeks later, Sven asks his friend Ole, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears catalog?"
Ole replies, "No, but it shouldn’t be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"

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Friendship Jokes Men jokes Beauty Jokes

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks.
After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.
When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Business jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Beauty Jokes

A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was.
Business or pleasure, he asks?
Sadness and pleasure!
She says to the officer!
Why?
Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral!
My condolences, says the officer!
It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through!
Not really, this is my pleasure!
I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Old People Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Business jokes Beauty Jokes

A beautiful princess comes upon a frog in a meadow near her castle.
The frog hops into the princess' lap and says, "My lady, one kiss from you, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I once was, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set-up housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever be happy doing so."
That night, as the princess dines on lightly sauteed frog legs, she chuckles to herself, "I don't f**kin' think so."

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Men vs Women Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Beauty Jokes

Me: Siri, why am I alone?
Siri: *opens front facing camera*

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Computer Jokes Beauty Jokes Phone jokes

Q: You know why women haven't landed on the moon?
A: Because there is no shopping centre.

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Jokes about Women Beauty Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes