Communication Jokes

I and my two mates went to a hоокеr and she told us that it will cost us a pound an inch.
My first mate went in and came out after minutes, saying, it cost me a tenner!
My second mate went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £9.50!
I went in and came out ten minutes later and said, it cost me £3.50.!
"What do you mean," they asked me.
"I told them, you both paid on the way in but I paid on the way out."

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When our air conditioner broke down, we called for a serviceman to come and take a look at it.
It turned out to be a high school classmate of my husband's named Love.
He said next time we needed any repairs to ask for him.
The next year when we needed service again, we requested Mr. Love.
I took the day off from work and waited for him to arrive.
After he had worked on our air conditioner, he left his work order behind.
It had my name and said: "Wants Love in afternoon."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Technology Jokes Customer service jokes Communication Jokes Love Jokes School Jokes

Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by?
The first one said, "I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said, "She's a suicide blonde."
The other said, "Suicide blonde? What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"

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Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Beauty Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

"Hey Bill... Do you talk to your wife while you are having sеx?"
"Only if there's a phone handy", Bill replied.

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes

Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.

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Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Communication Jokes

A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over.
A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing.
The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over.
The brunette joins her.
Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car.
The blonde watches as the car drives away.
The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Communication Jokes

I haven't spoken to the mother in law for 6 months now... apparently, it's rude to interrupt!

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Mother-in-Law Jokes Communication Jokes

A guy rang up to air port and said: "Do you mind me please to ask how long is from New York to Sanfransico?
The lady replied "A moment..."
Then the guy said "Thank you" and ceased conversation.

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Men jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Instead of saying, "And here's your receipt," cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"

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Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

I bought a lottery ticket.
My son asked me: "Dady if your ticket wins $100,000 what will you do?"
I replied: "A travel to Europe, drink best and most expensive wines, making sеx by the most beautiful actress and so on."
He again asked: "If unfortunately, your ticket didn't win what would be your action?"
I angrily gazed him then I told him: "I don't move here, drink some вооzе and вееr; fuск your mother."

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Sex Jokes Money jokes Vulgar jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Beer Jokes

"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me."
"Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?"
"Scissors," I replied.

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Relationship Jokes Wine jokes Communication Jokes

Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat.
As he settled in, he glanced up and saw an unusually beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight toward his seat.
Lo and behold, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Sеxuаl Studies Convention in Chicago".
He swallowed hard.
Here was the gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting about sеxuаl studies!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my extensive personal experience to share interesting facts about sexuality.
"Really," he gulped,"like what?"
"Well," she explained, "For instance, Native American Indians are the most passionate. While Jewish men are the most likely to satisfy a woman fully. And in terms of lasting the longest, surprisingly it's the Southern redneck."
Suddenly, the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.
"I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Um, Тоnто Goldstein. But my friends call me Bubba."

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Friendship Jokes Jokes about Women Redneck jokes Sex Jokes Aviation Jokes Communication Jokes American Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes

Jim is up north on a trip and his car breaks down.
He checks it out for a minute and being a mechanic he pretty quickly knows he needs a tow truck.
He opens his phone and has no signal so he starts walking.
A few minutes later he here's the bass of a car coming in the distance, bht dum dum do buh dum dum do.
He waits and sees a low riding car pull up next to him.
The windows roll down and smoke pours out.
He sees a bunch of empty вееr bottles.
The driver and his 3 passengers ask "hey man! Need a lift? We saw your car up the road?"
He thinks for a minute and decides not to go with them.
The ask what's wrong with the car the mechanic replies "uhh just piston broke that's all" the driven than replies "eh so are we man hop in!"

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Car and driving jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Phone jokes Beer Jokes

Wife: "There's something preying on my mind."
Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes

I quit my gym this morning because one of the instructors started shouting at me:
"Come on man, you've got to want it! Come on push. You can do it."
I hate being disturbed when I'm having a dump.

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Fitness jokes Communication Jokes

Teacher: "Who knows what is a difference between a snowman and snowwoman?"
Little Johnny: "Three snowballs!"

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dirty jokes Communication Jokes

Two skeletons meet, and one asks the other, "Did you die before the Social Security reform, or after?"
"No, I'm still alive."

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Political Jokes Communication Jokes

Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn't give a hoot!

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Animal Jokes Communication Jokes

An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels.
He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it.
He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin.
Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load.
On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip.
On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath.
Nothing.
He could never find anything amiss.
After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned.
A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?"
And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."

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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes