Dad Jokes - Page 55

I’ve never liked speed bumps much. But I’m getting over it slowly.

0 0

Dad Jokes

Have you heard there was a kidnapping at the school?
[No]
But it’s fine now, the kid woke up again.

0 0

Dad Jokes School Jokes

I was a doctor for a while but then I quit. I simply didn’t have enough patience.

0 0

Dad Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

Little Petra asks her dad at breakfast time, “Daddy, can you please teach me how to make eggs?”
Dad shakes his head, “Nope.”
“But why daddy? I want to learn!“
The dad winks at her, “I can’t teach you how to make eggs because I’m not a hen.”

0 0

Dad Jokes

I saw an expiration day on an anti-aging cream. Now that’s just a scam!

0 0

Dad Jokes

“Esrowneve” may look like gibberish, but when you put it backwards, it’s even worse…

0 0

Dad Jokes

If you dad walks you to school because you're both in the same class. You might be a redneck

0 0

School Jokes Redneck jokes Dad Jokes

I caught this сunт in the pub looking right at my wife’s аrsе in a queue and invited him outside.
Well I haven’t been in a fight in years, but dad always told me to kick ’em on their shins and I even took a run up to do it when he was taking off his coat.
Fcuk me, absolutely no effect, not even a wince and you know when you’re in trouble, so I just ran.
At first he chased, at one point gaining on me, but I said a little prayer and then thank fсuк, an act of God and he stopped dead in his tracks….
He’d got a puncture on his wheelchair.

0 0

God Jokes Dad Jokes Disability Jokes

Son:
“I got expelled.” …..
…..
Dad:
“How?” …..
……
Son:
“I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard.” …..
…..
Dad:
“That’s pretty dumb but-” …
…
Son:
“Then my teacher told me to go back up to the board…”
…
Dad:
“Ok?”
Son:
“And rub 1 out.”

0 0

Masturbation jokes Dad Jokes School Jokes

A boy called up his mom from hospital, “Mom, I took tests and they declared that I have AIDS.”
Mom, “What? Don’t come back home son, go away.”
Boy “Why mom, I’m your son.”
Mom, “You foolish boy! If you come back home, then your wife will be infected, from your wife to your brother, from your brother to our maid, from our maid to your dad, from your dad to my sister, from my sister to her husband, from her husband to me, from me to our gardener, from our gardener to your sister…
And if your sister got it, then the whole town is in trouble.

0 0

Cheating Jokes Dad Jokes

Little boy gets home from school early and walks into the lounge room and hears his mum and dad making strange noises and he see's his mum and dad doing something on the couch
Little boy: mum, dad what where you doing last night?
Mum and Dad: baking a Cake
Little boy: okay but next time I want chocolate frosting not vanilla

0 0

School Jokes Dirty jokes Dad Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Little Johnny’s teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living.
Little Mary got up and said, “my Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect.”
“Great” said the teacher.
Michael got up and said, “my Dad is a Doctor, and my Mom is a housewife.” Good said the teacher.
Johnny was last in the class and when he got up he said:
“My Mommy, she is a substitute.”
Knowing better about his background and always striving to correct the kids, the teacher said, “you mean she is a Рrоsтiтuте?”
“No”. Said Johnny, “my Sister, she is the Рrоsтiтuте, but when she does not feel well, my Mommy substitutes.”

0 0

Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes School Jokes Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

Your so ugly when you were born your mom said "Oh what a treasure" and your dad said "Yeah le´ts bury it."

0 0

Dad Jokes Birthday Jokes

I took my 12-year-old son camping at the weekend.
As we sat around the fire he said, “Dad, I need a shiт.”
“Go and have one then,” I said. “That’s the beauty of camping, you can shiт anywhere you want and you can’t get into trouble.”
He walked off and came back a few minutes later.
“Where did you have one?” I asked.
He said, “In your car.”

0 0

Dad Jokes Stupid Jokes

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt.
Little Johnny interrupted, "My dad looked back once, while he was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and he turned into a telephone pole!"

0 0

Religion jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

What did the redneck say to the stripper........ "call dad, he worries sis"

0 0

Redneck jokes Dad Jokes

Some crazy woman knocked on my door with a little boy this morning.
She said, “Say hello to your dad.”
I said, “There must be some kind of mistake, that’s not my dad.”

0 0

Jokes about Women Cheating Jokes Dad Jokes

Why did George W. Bush cross the road?
To ask his dad how to run the presidency.

0 0

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Dad Jokes American Presidents Humor

I just found out I’m going to be a Dad! I’m really excited.
I just hope my wife is too when she finds out.

0 0

Cheating Jokes Dad Jokes

Little Lexi was going to get a drink of water during the night, and she overheard her father say "You little b*tch. You like that, huh?" And her mother replied with, "Oh yeah, I love your diск. Go deeper!!" The next day she asked her mother what diск meant. The mom told her a diск was a coat. She then asked her dad what b*tch meant. Her father said that a b*tch was a person. Later on, Lexi found her parents arguing. "YOU МОТНЕRFUСКЕR!!" Her mom shouted. "You're just a SLUТ!" Her dad replied. Again, little Lexi was curious, and asked her mother what a motherf*cker was. Her mother said it was a turkey. Later, she asked her dad what a sluт meant. He said it meant toilet. After that, her dad was on the toilet yelling "Honey, I'm having a big shiт on the toilet so let's not have sеx until later?" She asked what shiт was and he said eating. He also said having sеx meant socializing. After all that, her family came over for Thanksgiving. Little Lexi said "Happy Thanksgiving, b*tches! We're going to shiт soon, my dad is upstairs eating the sluт in the bathroom! My moms going to cut the motherf*cker shortly! Hang up your diскs and stay a while! I can't wait to have sеx with you!

0 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Dad Jokes