Dark Humor - Page 2

Strong people don't put other people down.
They lift them up and slam them to the ground for maximum impact.

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An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."

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Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean.
The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."
The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

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Lawyer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Insurance Comedy

Came out the gym the other day and cop asked me how I got that body.
I said, "I don't know officer, I just opened the trunk and there she was"

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Police Officer Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Fitness jokes

War doesn´t determine who´s right. War determines who´s left

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Military Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

I'm so broke, I don't even get excited when I find money because I'm sure I owe it to someone.

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Money jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

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Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Morbid jokes

A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over.
A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing.
The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over.
The brunette joins her.
Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car.
The blonde watches as the car drives away.
The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Communication Jokes

While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out.
"Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Customer service jokes Beauty Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Рlаyвоy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.

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Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Beauty Jokes

This old man and woman were on a cruise and it was really stormy.
They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat it read:
"Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her very most private part was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise."
So the old man faxed back:
"Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap..."

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Military Jokes

Join the Army, meet some fascinating people, then кill them.

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Military Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by tomorrow morning.

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Dark Humor Jokes Food Jokes Flirt jokes Love Jokes

My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
We called her Aunt Tique.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Two cannibals are enjoying a Thanksgiving dinner and a light conversation about all things family.
"I just can't stand my mother-in-law," sighs one.
"That's quite understandable," nods the other one, "why don't you just have the potatoes with the gravy?"

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Cannibal Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine.
I guess that was why several of us died of tuberculosis.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes

In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people.
It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch.
Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.

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Money jokes Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Alien Jokes

Knock, knock
Who's there?
I'm Mr, Farter.
Mr, Farter who?
I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!

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Knock-knock jokes Dark Humor Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Funeral jokes are the best - they never die...

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Funeral jokes Dark Humor Jokes

Q: How long does it take for a workplace bully to come up with a patentable new invention?
A: It depends: If the designer's desk drawer is locked, about 5 minutes, otherwise, under a minute.

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Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Vulgar jokes