Dark Humor - Page 3

Q: What was Нiтlеr's favorite drink?
A: Concentrated jews.

71 1

I'm going trick or treating with my mum tonight.
It's the only time I can take her out as she's been dead for ten years.

70 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Halloween Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What is the difference between baby and knitting?
A: Knitting is weaved by two needles and one ball, but the baby has been made with one needle and two ваlls!

69 0

Dark Humor Jokes Baby Jokes Morbid jokes

In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.

69 0

Dark Humor Jokes Military Jokes Irish jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A magician comes to a seniors' home for entertainment afternoon: "Aaaaand? Is everybody heeere?"
Seniors, enthusiastically, "Yeaaaah!"
Magician, winking, "But not for looooong...!"

69 0

Dark Humor Jokes Old People Jokes Vulgar jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What did Нiтlеr get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday?
A: An easy bake oven.

69 0

Dark Humor Jokes Christmas Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Hitler Jokes Birthday Jokes Morbid jokes

A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."

68 1

School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes Beauty Jokes

Q: What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
A: Getting her out of the wheelchair.

68 2

Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Cannibal Jokes

Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.

67 0

Dark Humor Jokes Light bulb jokes Morbid jokes Dead baby jokes

Knock-knock
Who is there?
A shattered реnis with many diseases.
What kind of illness?
Gall, Aids, Gonorrhea, Syphilis...
Enough, it is the best present for my mother in law.

66 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Vulgar jokes Knock-knock jokes

These two guys are riding in a convertible down a road in the desert, the road runs alongside a railroad as they are driving, as they are driving a train goes past, on the train a guy is on the train, clutching his stomach and grunting, his buddy leans over, and asks him,
"What the hеll is wrong with you?"
The guy replies, "I gotta shiт real bad, and I can't reach the bathroom in time!"
His buddy tells him "Hang your аss out the window, and let it fly."
The guy hangs his аss out the window and the shiт flies back and hits the convertible.
The guys in the convertible say "Dамn, that guy on the train spit tobacco on us!"
The guy asks his friend "Hey, pull over when the train stops and we'll find this guy and kick his аss".
After he finishes talking the guy driving the car slows down.
His friend says "Why are you slowing down, don't you wanna beat this guy up."
His friend says "No!"
The other guy says "Why".
His friend says, "Number one, that is some of the stinkiest tobacco I've ever smelled, and number two, did you see the jaws on that son of a вiтсh!"

66 0

Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Friendship Jokes Vulgar jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

66 0

Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What is brown, small, and smells of caramel?
A: A diabetic who's been struck by lightning.

66 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Morbid jokes

Q: How do you кill an emo?
A: You don't you let depression do the work.

66 0

Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall?
A: Depends on how deep you stack them.

65 0

Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Lawyer Jokes Morbid jokes Dead baby jokes

How did the dentist become a brain surgeon?
His drill slipped

65 0

Dark Humor Jokes Dentist Jokes

Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
A: Lefty.

64 0

Dark Humor Jokes Communication Jokes Dinosaur jokes

Q: Why are Germans bad cooks?
A: The only good one killed himself.

64 0

Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Hitler Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired.

64 0

Dark Humor Jokes Police Officer Jokes

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.
"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."
"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday."
So I call him on his cell.
"What gives, bro,?" I ask.
"Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes."
I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty вееr."
"Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to сrаск open a cold one myself."

63 0

Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Friendship Jokes Beer Jokes