Fart Jokes

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Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting.
During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting.
Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.”
So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie.
After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him.
Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.”
The others nod and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping.
He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.”
So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air.
When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.”
The others nod, and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fаrт.
He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
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A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. 
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, "OK old fаrт, time for you to retire."
The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?"
The young rooster says, "Beat it: You are washed up and I am taking over."
The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop."
The young rooster laughs. "You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."
The old rooster takes off running. 
About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.
They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.
 He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast. 
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can. 
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits. 
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, "Dаммiт... third fuскing rooster I bought this month."
Moral of this story?
Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery will always overcome youth and arrogance!
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Fаrт Glossary:
ART FART= it's such a beauty you want to immortalize it on canvas.
ARROGANT FART= When you think your farts don't stink.
ASSUALT FART= A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your аrsе.
TIRE FART= You can't control the вlоw out.
BEER FARTS= These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm вееr.
JAIL FART= Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its great escape.
DONKEY FART= Your аss is the only one that can do it.
GHOST FART= You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.
HOME ALONE FART= When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.
SHOE FART= When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.
TANK FART= When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.
OLD FART= You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
BRAIN FART= You need to fаrт, but nothing comes out.
ALZHEIMER FART= A confused fаrт that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.
NOT-ME FART= When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the person behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"
U.F.O. FART= When someone farts in crowded room, label it as a "Unidentified Foul Odor".
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