Friendship Jokes

An old man and woman hate each other, but remain married for years. During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.
The wife smiles, "Let the old вuggеr dig. I had him buried upside down!"

22 0

Did you hear about the Irishman who couldn't tell the difference between his two horses?
His friend suggested measuring them, that didn't help though, the Irishman discovered that the brown horse was only an inch taller than the white one!

22 0

Animal Jokes Friendship Jokes

What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?
"Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."

22 0

Animal Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Friendship Jokes Birthday Jokes

Dad:
"Can I see your report card, son?"
Son:
"I don't have it."
Dad:
"Why?"
Son:
"I gave it to my friend. He wanted to scare his parents."

22 0

Friendship Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dad Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn't have a Facebook, he has a Fistbook...
No one's his friend.

22 0

Facebook Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Friendship Jokes

Me: Staring contest. Go!
Me: O.O
Friend:
- .-
Me: I win! You blinked! Haha
Friend: You ваsтаrd, I'm asian!

22 0

Friendship Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Asian jokes

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink.
His friends plead with him to let them take him home.
He says no -- he only lives a mile away.
About five blocks from party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line.
Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in their area.
The police tell the drunк party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home.
When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.
A few hours later the police knock on the door.
They ask if Mr. SMITH is there and his wife says yes.
They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day.
The police have his driver's license.
They ask to see his car and she asks why.
They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they find their police car, with the lights still flashing.

22 0

Animal Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes Car and driving jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes

A wife returns late at night back home.
"Where have you been?" asks her husband.
"With a friend. But don't worry, there were no men."
One day later the husband returns back home late.
"Don't worry; I was also with a friend. And there were no men either…"

22 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A woman is chatting with her friends when she points at a man in the street, ‘That’s my nextdoor neighbour. He’s an alcoholic!’
One of her friends asks, ‘How do you know that?’
The woman replies, ‘Yesterday he was at the bar drinking next to me all night.'

22 0

Jokes about Women Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Friendship Jokes

Things have reached crisis point in Beryl’s marriage.
‘If things are so bad,’ her friend advises her.
‘Then you should leave your husband.’
‘I would,’ says Beryl.
‘If only I could think of a way of doing it that wouldn’t make him happy.’

22 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

Man to friend: ‘My wife’s a peach.’ Friend: ‘Because she’s so soft and juicy?’
Man: ‘No, because she has a heart of stone.’

22 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

Steve complained to his friend Al that lоvемакing with his wife was becoming routine and boring.
"Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try playing doctor for an hour?"
"Sounds great," Steve replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?"
"Неll, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!"

22 0

Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes

My friend: Your diск is probably like a tic tac.
Me: No wonder your moms mouth is so fresh.
Class: OOOOHHHHHH!!!

21 0

School Jokes Insult Jokes Dirty jokes Friendship Jokes

Ted said to his friend, 'can you lend me $10?'
'But I only have $8,' his friend replied.
That's OK, you can always owe me the other $2!

21 0

Friendship Jokes Money jokes

A student called her best friend and said that she had some great news.
“The teacher told me that we had to do a test today in rain or shine,” she told her.
“Why is that great,” her friend asked.
“It’s snowing today!”

21 0

News and Politics Jokes School Jokes Friendship Jokes

A man is driving his five year old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident.
"Dоuсhеваg!" the father yells.
A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son.
"Your father just said a bad word," he says.
"I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it, it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?"
His son looks at him and says:
"Too late, dоuсhеваg."

21 0

Car and driving jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes

Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies dead.

21 0

Chuck Norris Jokes Friendship Jokes

I can honestly say in all our years of friendship, I have never heard anyone question John’s intelligence, to be perfectly honest I never heard anyone even mention any intelligence on John’s part.

21 0

Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A friend of mine often tells to his wife:
"It is better to be loved and almost the only one rather than to be the only one and almost loved…"

20 0

Friendship Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Love Jokes

You ever get a new cell phone and you're too lazy to transfer all the numbers over, so you just stop being friends with a bunch of people?

20 0

Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes One-Liner Jokes Friendship Jokes