Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

After hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the story at school on Monday.
Her teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale."Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human. "It is physically impossible!" she said.
Undaunted, the little girl said, "Well, when I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
To this, the teacher said, "What if Jonah went to hеll?"
The little girl replied, "Then YOU ask him!"

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"Mommy, mommy, I found daddy!"
"How often do I have to tell you not to dig around in the garden!"

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Dark Humor Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "Sir excuse me; your zipper is open."
So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper.
He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open."
Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open!
Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Communication Jokes

Yo mama so fат when she went sky diving in a blue jump suit, all the kids below said, "Ahhhh! The sky is falling!"

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Yo Momma Jokes Sports Jokes Kids Jokes

An old county doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out that there was no electricity.
Then the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.
The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby.
The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.
"Hit him again," the child said.
"He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Kids Jokes

Two small boys met during their first day at school. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My daddy is an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the normal kind," replied Tommy.

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Lawyer Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Business jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

Suzy asked her big sister Samantha how babies are made. Samantha explains it to her.
"I still don't get it? Can you show me."
Suzy says.
"OK. Tonight, I will let you watch will my boyfriend, Jack and I sсrеw."
That night, Jack laid Samantha 5 times but Suzy still didn't understand.
The next night Jack was tired of Suzy watching so he offered to have sеx with her.
"OK but I don't want Samantha to watch"
So Samantha went outside.
They are in there for almost an hour and when they come out Jack is smiling like crazy.
"That was fun but I still don't get it."
Says Suzy
The next day the same thing happened.
And the next day.
Finally 2 weeks later Samantha comes home crying.
"Whats wrong," Suzy says.
"Jack dumped me. He said there was someone better."
Said Samantha.
"Let's go talk to him maybe we can change his mind," said Suzy.
When they got there Jack said he made up his mind and there was nothing they could do to change it.
Then he asked to speak to Suzy privately.
He pulled off all of Suzy's clothes and started to sсrеw her.
"OK," Jack said kissing Suzy's neck "I broke up with Samantha now tell me how you got to be so good in bed."
"Fine." She replied, "I asked all my other sisters how babies are made."

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Sex Jokes Kids Jokes Baby Jokes Stupid Jokes Military Jokes

If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds.
There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fат kid.

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Relationship Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Business jokes

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "George, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I’m in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you," he said.
"But George," she said gently, "don’t you see how silly that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child."
"Oh, don’t worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I’ll use a rubber."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes Love Jokes

Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?"
Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Ugly Jokes

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..."
"I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

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Christmas Jokes Technology Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.

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Parent Jokes Kids Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Wine jokes

A teacher goes around her class asking each of the kids what do they need at home?
1st kid says, "A computer." Teacher replies "That'd be very useful"
2nd kid says "A new lawn mower." Teacher replies with a similar response...
Little Johnny pops up and says, "At my house we don"t need anything." The teacher asks him to think again carefully as everybody needs something... Little Johnny replies, "Nope, i'm sure of it. Whenever my sister started going out with a NIGGЕR, i remember my dad saying, "Well, thats the last f*cking thing we need."

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Dad Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Computer Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me.
They're for him.
He's my brother.
He's four.
He saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike.
Right now, he can't do either one."

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Kids Jokes

Q: What sports team is the least safe around children?
A: The Nashville Predators.

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Sports Jokes Kids Jokes

A mother and father took their 6 year old son to a nudе beach.
As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had воовs вiggеr than his mother's, and asked her why.
She told her son, "The вiggеr they are the dumber the person is."
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger williеs than his dad. His mother replied, "The вiggеr they are the dumber the person is."
Again satisfied with this answer, the boy returns to the ocean to play.
Shortly after, the boy returned again.
He promptly tells his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets."

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Men vs Women Jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes Stupid Jokes Boob Jokes

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said,
"Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger,
"What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Неll, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a соw, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a соw turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says,
"Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies,
"Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Неll, or life after death, when you don't know shiт?"
And then she went back to reading her book.

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Atheist Jokes Religion jokes Kids Jokes God Jokes Communication Jokes Aviation Jokes

What do you call a young army?
Infantry.

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Kids Jokes Military Jokes

Son: "Dad, I'm cold..."
Dad: "Stand in a corner, they're usually ninety degrees!"

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Kids Jokes Science jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, "Trick or treat?"
I looked at him and asked, "What have you come as?"
He said, "A werewolf."
I said, "But you're not wearing a costume. You've just got your normal clothes on."
He said, "Yeah well, it's not a full moon yet, is it?"

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Halloween Jokes Kids Jokes