Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

Q: Why couldn't the witch have children?
A: Her husband had a hallow wееniе.

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When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.

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Kids Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian?
A: She liked kids...

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Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Veterinarian Jokes

A kid walks up to his teacher and says "When is lunch."
The teacher said "When its my break."
"Your break for what? the kid asks.
"My break up" the teacher said.

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Food Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Relationship Jokes

Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.

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Jokes about Women Make My Day Laughs Sex Jokes Kids Jokes Father's Day Jokes

A father went to take his daughter from school.
While waiting, he heard her talking with a classmate of hers "I worry so much-..! My dad works 16 hours a day so he can build a dream house for when I grow up. My mom spends her days cooking for me, making deserts and tiding my room so I can have fun. I worry. I’m so worried!"
"With that kind of parents you have nothing to worry about," her friend told her.
"Yeah, but what if... What if they... What if they... ESCAPE?"

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Friendship Jokes Dad Jokes Kids Jokes

What do you call a old snowman?
Water.

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Jewish Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked,
"Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said,
"He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked,
"Is it a good baby?"
She said,
"Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

*Me when I turn 18*
Parents: Do this.
Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.

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Kids Jokes Teenager and High School Jokes Harry Potter Jokes

Kangaroo 911:
"What's your emergency?"
Kangaroo:
"I can't find my children"
Kangaroo 911:
"Did you check your pockets?"
Kangaroo:
"Oh nevermind."

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Animal Jokes Kids Jokes Customer service jokes

Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate it when it rains?
A: Because the kids have to play inside.

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Weather jokes

A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, "These sleepovers are killing me."

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes One-Liner Jokes

– Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?
– Because I helped her.
– But that is a good thing! What did you help her with?
– I helped her eat her gummy bears.

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Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes

My teacher sends this Chinese kid out of the classroom cause she thought he was sleeping.

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Asian jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father.
"Let’s try to make this look natural" she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad’s shoulder."
The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"

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Dad Jokes Kids Jokes Graduation Jokes

So God is getting a bit bored in heaven, and he asks his archangel Michael, "Michael, I need to get away from it all for a bit. Where should I go to clear my head?"
Michael replies, "Well, you could always go to Pluto. You could go create a mountain and ski, have a bit of fun."
God says, "No, I don't think so. I don't do so well with the cold, and frostbite was definitely not one of my better creations."
The archangels says, "Alright, well you could always try Mercury. It's nice and warm, you could just take a bit of time to relax, get a nice tan."
"Michael," God says, "do you see how white I am? I would burn to a crisp."
Michael replies, "Alright, well then why don't you go to Earth?"
"Fuск that," God says, "last time I went there I got some girl pregnant and I never heard the end of it."

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God Jokes Kids Jokes Sex Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes

Teacher: Who succeeded the first President of the USA?
Class: The second one!

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Kids Jokes School Jokes USA Jokes Political Jokes

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A doctor?"
"And why's that?"
"Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes

As a member of the organization that installs computer systems aboard Navy ships, I am mindful of how important the off-ship e-mail capabilities are to sailor morale, especially when some vessels are deployed for up to six months.
One day while shopping at the base commissary, I noticed another crucial aspect of my job.
I was behind a frazzled mother with two active children, and as I watched, she stalked over to where her young son had perched himself on the rail of the freezer case.
"If you don't get off there right now," she commanded, "I'm going to e-mail your father!"

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Computer Jokes Technology Jokes Kids Jokes Military Jokes Sailor Jokes

In the dim and distant past, when life's tempo wasn't so fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat and babysit.
When the kids were in a jam, they could always call on Gram.
However, today she's in the gym exercising to keep slim.
She's checking the web or surfing the net, sending some e-mail or placing a bet.
Nothing seems to stop or block her, now that Grandma's off her rocker.

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Fitness jokes Kids Jokes Old People Jokes