Kids jokes, Toddler Jokes, Children jokes

An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children.
The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story.
After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"

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Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died."You know,"
Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

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Kids Jokes God Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A little boy asks his Mum "why am I black and you are white ?"
"Don't even ask," she replies "when I think back to that party... you are lucky that you not bark !"

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Kids Jokes Dirty jokes Black People Jokes White people jokes

There was a boy and his mother was about to go to work.
She said, "Do not open the door for nobody".
The boy said, "Okay."
So after the mother left a girl came to their house and she said to the boy, "Let me in."
The boy said, "I don’t want to, maybe tomorrow”"
So the girl went to the window and started knocking on it.
Once again she said, "Let me in."
The boy finally gave up and let her in.
So once she got in she said, "Let’s go upstairs."
The boy said, "I don’t want to, maybe tomorrow."
The girl kept asking him so he finally gave up.
When his mama came into his room she said, "Get off that girl."
The boy said, "I don’t want to, maybe tomorrow!"

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes

What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts.

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Kids Jokes

Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.

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Kids Jokes

Teens are at an awkward stage in their lives.
They know how to make phone calls they just don't know how to end them.

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Life Jokes Kids Jokes Phone jokes

What do Gary Glitter and Nараlм have in common?
Both can sтriр the clothes off a small Vietnamese child in under two seconds.

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Military Jokes

Q: What do you call a pool full of black kids?
A: Cocoa puffs.

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Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

My wife left for her Father's home for vacation yesterday, when I was at my office.
When I reached home, I found this note stick on the television.
I am going to My Mom's Place for 6-7 days with kids and these are the instructions and warnings for you....
- No need to call your friends and cousins. Last time I got 4 large pizza bills beneath the sofa...
2 - Don't forget mobile on the soap holder in the bathroom like last time...
Why would anyone need a mobile in the bathroom?
3 - Keep your spe cs in the box..
Last time around it was found in the refrigerator.
4 - Salary already paid to maid.
No need to be extra generous.
5 - Don't disturb neighbors early in the morning asking if they have got newspaper or not?
Our newspaper vendor is different from theirs...
And our laundry person and milkman are also different.
6 - Your Underwear are on left side of wardrobe and on right side are kids'...
Like last time, don't say I was uncomfortable at work....
7 - All reports have been checked and you are alright.
No need to go to that young lady doctor again and again.
8 - My sister and Bhabhi's birthdays have gone last month which you have already attended.
No need to go to them at midnight and wish belated happy birthday..
9 - Have cut off WiFi for 10 days.
So sleep early....
10 - Stop smiling and being happy... as Mrs. Khanna, Mrs. Avasthi, Mrs. Kulkarni, Mrs. Trivedi, Mrs. Ansari, Mrs. Rastogi, Mrs. Chatteerjee...
They all w ill be out of station in this period....
11. Do not knock on the doors of that KALMUHI Priya, next door, on pretext of asking Sugar milk coffee powder or so one.
I stocked all these in kitchen cabinet. rnrnAnd last but not the least.
12 - Don't try to be oversmart.. rnI may be back any moment without informing you.

Happy vacation

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Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Stupid Jokes Coffee Jokes

Billy was excited about his first day at school.
So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.
So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick.
Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can’t find it," he admitted.
The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.
Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and went on his way.
A short while later he returned to the class room and said to the teacher "I still can’t find it."
Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who had been at the school for awhile, to help Billy find the bathroom.
So Tommy and Billy left the classroom together and five minutes later they both return and sat down at their seats.
The teacher asked Tommy "Well, did you find it?"
Tommy was quick with his reply. "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."

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School Jokes Kids Jokes

A couple had been married for 50 years and had raised a brood of 10 children and was blessed with 20 grandchildren.
When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies,
"Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes

Bob asks his grandmother:
"Granny, tell us, how my sister and me came to life?"
"Your sister, Bob, came from heaven and a stork has brought you to us."
Bob then, turns to his sister and whispers:
"Should we tell her the truth, or should we let her die without knowing…"

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Kids Jokes Grandparent Jokes

Chuck Norris once gave a box of his old watches to a group of kids.
These kids are now known as the power rangers.

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Kids Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes

How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go.

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Animal Jokes Kids Jokes

Yo' Mama is so fат, when she wears a yellow raincoat, the kids yell, "Here comes the school bus."

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Yo Momma Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Fat Jokes

A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father:
“Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?”
The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?”
“Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

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Jewish Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dad Jokes Black People Jokes

There was a couple wanted to go out for dinner for their anniversary but they didn’t make it with the babysitter so they had nowhere to leave their little boy!
After a lot of talk father came up with an idea!
"We will put a vinyl at the pickup deck, something with kid-stories so our little boy will sleep at once and everything will be fine!"
"Ok," said the wife.
So,that is what they did and went out sure for their plan.
After about 2 hours, they arrived back home and listen noise and the boy screaming:
"I waaaant,i waaaant,i waaaaant…"
They run up to boy’s room and saw the little boy hitting the wall and screaming the same words:
"I waaaant!"
They wonder about what happened and then they listened to the pickup:
"Do you want to listen my story? Do you want to listen my story? Do you want to listen my story?"

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Wedding jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Couple jokes

Which is the most confusing day in America?
Father's day!
80% don't know whom to wish.
Rest 20% are scared someone will come and wish them.

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Father's Day Jokes Kids Jokes Make My Day Laughs USA Jokes Sex Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes

A kid from Mississippi is on Harvard campus for the first time, he stops a student and asks, "Excuse me, can you tell me where the library is at?"
The Harvard student replies "At Harvard, you don’t end a sentence with a preposition."
The kid said, "Sorry about that. Can you tell me where the library is at, аsshоlе?"

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Kids Jokes School Jokes