Men jokes

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One day two very loving parents got into a huge fight, the man called the women a "вiтсh" and the women called the man a "ваsтаrd".
Their son walked in and said, "What does вiтсh and ваsтаrd mean?" and the parents replied, "Ladies and gentlemen".
The next day the parents decided to have sеx, the women said, "Feel my тiттiеs" and the man said, "Feel my d*ck".
Their son walked in and asked, "What does тiттiеs and d*ck mean?" and the parents replied, "Hats and coats".
On Thanksgiving the dad was shaving and he cut himself. "Shiт," he said. The kid came in and asked, "What's that mean?" and the man said it was the brand shaving cream he was using.
Down stairs the mom was preparing the turkey, and she cut herself, "F*ck" she said. Once again the kid asked, "What's that mean?" The mom said that is what she calls stuffing the turkey.
Then the door веll rang. The kid answered the door to his relatives and said, "Alright you вiтсhеs and ваsтаrds, put your d*cks and тiттiеs in the closet, my dad is upstairs wiping the shiт off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f**king the turkey!"
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The Bachelor's Life La chica de la lasaña y el cajero gracioso Single? Момиче пазарува в магазина и на касата: Жена пазарувала в супера. Докато оставяла нещата на лентата един пияница се приближил, огледал подробно покупките и и казал тихо: Una chica entra en un supermercado y compra lo siguiente: Uma mulher passava as compras no caixa de supermercado percebeu que um bêbado examinava detalhadamente seus itens de compra: * 2 caixas de leite integral * 1 dúzia de ovos * 1 litro de suco de laranja * 1 alface americana * 1 kg de café; e * 1 pacote de bacon fatiado. Enquanto o caixa registrava,... A woman went shopping. She walks to checkout counter and then the salesman packs all her groceries: milk, cheese, orange juice, half of bread, bar of soap, toothpaste... All of a sudden the... A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For... Een vrouw ging naar de winkel waar ze de volgende spullen kocht : * 1 liter melk * 1 doos eieren * 1 liter fruitsap * 1 pak koffie * 1 ons ham * 1 doos Cup-a-Soup Terwijl ze haar... A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the... En pige lægger sine varer op ved kassen: 1 tomat, 1 lille pose kaffe, 1 frossen færdigret, 1 tærte, 1 müslibar og en frossen pizza! Manden ved kassen spørger smilende: – Single, hva? Pigen smiler... En pige vader ind i et supermarked, og køber følgende: 1 stykke sæbe 1 tandbørste 1 tube tandpasta 1 lille franskbrød 1 liter mælk 1 æble 1 banan 1 appelsin 1 liter juice 1 glas syltetøj 1 bage... A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 apple 1 banana 1 orange 1 plum 1 peach 1 grapefruit 1 tomato... En kvinna kommer in i affären och köper lite saker, hon kommer fram till kassan och lägger upp en banan, ett äpple, en tandborste, en schampoflaska, en tvål, en kam, en apelsin, en tandkräm, en...
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Глумење Weshalb täuschen Frauen Orgasmen vor? ¿Por qué las mujeres fingen el orgasmo?. Защо жените имитират оргазъм? Не понимаю, зачем женщины имитируют оргазм? Они что, думают, что мужиков это волнует? Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care. Pourquoi les femmes simulent l'orgasme ? - Parce que les hommes simulent les préliminaires. ou - Parce que c'est toujours triste de voir un homme qui pleure ou - Parce que comme ça le mec éjacule... Por que muitas mulheres fingem o orgasmo? Porque muitos homens fingem as preliminares ... Hvorfor simulerer kvinder orgasme? – Fordi mænd simulerer forspil Po co kobiety udają orgazm? - Bo myślą że to facetów obchodzi. — Чому 50% жінок симулюють оргазм? — Вони думають, що нас, чоловіків, це хвилює! Miksi naiset teeskentelevät orgasmeja? - Siksi, että miehet teeskentelevät esileikkejä - De ce simuleaza femeile orgasmul? - Ele cred ca barbatilor chiar le pasa. Stiti de ce unele femei mimeaza orgasmul? ................ Pentru ca si unii barbati mimeaza preludiul. Varför fejkar så många kvinnor sin orgasm? - För att så många män fejkar förspelet. "Waarom doen veel vrouwen net alsof ze een orgasme hebben gehad? Omdat mannen net doen alsof ze een voorspel hebben gehad." Dlaczego tak dużo kobiet ma udawany orgazm? - Dla tego, że tylu facetów robi im udawaną grę wstępną. Warum täuschen einige Frauen den Orgasmus vor? Weil sie denken, dass es uns Männer interessiert!
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70-годишен милионер при доктора: 80-летний старик приходит к доктору: - я на следующей неделе опять... Докторот: Ein 82-Jähriger kommt zum Doktor. Ein achtzigjähriger Mann erzählt seinem Arzt, dass er nächste Woche noch einmal heiraten möchte. Der Arzt sagt: Arzt: "Gute Frau, sie sind jetzt 92, Ihr Freund 21, da kann jeder Sexualkontakt zum Tode führen!" Worauf die alte Dame meint: "Na ja, dann stirbt er halt!"
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Црнец фаќа златна рипка Един негър хванал златната рибка и тя му казала, че ще му изпълни 3 желания. Ein Schwarzer findet eine Wunschlampe und hat drei Wünsche frei. Un africain, perdu dans le désert, est sur le point de mourir de soif. Il trouve une lampe et s’empresse de l'astiquer dans un dernier espoir. Un génie apparaît soudainement et lui dit : Un africano trova una lampada magica ed esprime al genio 3 desideri: 1) Diventare bianco 2) Lavorare al massimo 5 giorni al mese 3) Stare sempre tra le gambe di una donna Il genio, dopo un attimo di smarrimento, ci riflette un pochino o e poi lo trasforma in.. un tampax!! Había un negro que llega a un pozo de los deseos y dice quiero ser blanco y tocar muchos culos... Y lo convierte en papel higiénico. En afrikansk fiskare hittade en dag en flaska som fastnat i hans nät. När han tittar lite närmare på flaskan upptäcker han att det finns en liten figur i den. Han öppnar flaskan och en ande kommer... un uomo di colore trova una lampada magica ed esprime tre desideri... Diventare bianco... Lavorare una volta al mese... Stare sempre in mezzo a delle fighe... E così è diventato un tampax Un negru merge prin desert si aude niste tipete disperate de femeie. Alearga in directia respectiva si vede o tanara superba zbatandu-se in stransoarea unui sarpe urias. Negrul scoate un cutit si... En neger gik rundt i det mørke Harlem (New York City). Pludselig så han en gammel petroleumslampe ligge og flyde! “Fedt” tænkte han, ” det kan være der er en ånd i den”! Han gned på lampen og vups,... Σε μια έρημο μπροστά σε έναν μαύρο εμφανίζεται το Τζίνι. Του λέει: - "Πες τρεις επιθυμίες και θα στις πραγματοποιήσω!" Λέει ο μαύρος: - "Θέλω να γίνω λευκός, να τρέχουνε πάνω μου πολλά νερά και να...
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A guy walks into a bar and asks for three beers.
The bartender puts them up and then watches the guy go through a peculiar ritual.
"Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday, happy birthday" Each time he says the word he drinks the вееr. Then he pays and walks out.
One year later he enters the bar again and orders the same thing.
The bartender watches him go through the same ritual.
Curious, he asks the bloke why.
"Well" the guy says, "I have a friend in Ireland and a friend in Australia.
We have our birthdays on the same day.
We can't be together so we have agreed that on this day we will each go into our local pub and have a round of drinks for each other.
We have been doing this for 55 years since we were 18"
The next year the man comes in and asks the bartender for two beers.
The bartender, a bit taken aback, places two beers in front of the guy and watches him say "happy birthday, happy birthday!"
The bartender asks "so which one died?"
"No one."
"But you only ordered two drinks!"
"Yeah, well, I've given up drinking."
Eдин човек всяка вечер ходел в един и същи бар и винаги си поръчвал по четири големи уискита, изпивал ги, а след това си тръгвал.
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