War and Military Jokes

The Army will post guards around the place. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines will кill everybody inside and set up a headquarters The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

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As the Korean war was at a stalemate the US realized that they didn't know how many prisoners they had so they appointed a Marine Colonel to do a census of all the prison camps. He walked in the office of a prison and asked the ROK soldier there how many prisoners there were. "Many, many", he replied.
"No, I need to know exactly how many for my report".
"We have many, many", he replied again. The Colonel then asked if there was someone who could give him the exact amount. The soldier said that a Marine Sergeant sitting at the next desk might be able to tell him. He went over to the Sergeant and said,
"How many prisoners do you have here, son".
"Colonel, we've got a рiss рот full".
The Colonel said,
"Now why the hеll couldn't that little SOB have told me that".

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Military Jokes Sailor Jokes

So John and Peter were riding a flight on Philippine Airlines, everything was going smoothly, and then something went wrong with the engine!
Sirens were blaring in the cockpit, and the pilot issued a PSA to the cabin saying "Dear passengers, this is your captain speaking. unfortunately we have lost one engine, but do not worry, I will ensure your safety.
The plane lands on water, and the captain calmly says,
"Hello passengers, we have successfully landed on the water, I hope all of you are fine! Now, all of the people who can swim, please go to the right side of the plane. The people who can't, please go to the left.
Peter mentioned to John, "Pare (word in filipino meaning close friend), this is what I love about Philippine Airlines! They always have backup plans for every situation!"
John replied, "Yeah, pare, I agree, the crew is well trained in these situations!"
After everyone was arranged according to their swimming abilities, the captain spoke, "Everyone who can are on the right side of the plane, please evacuate the plane immediately and carefully. And to those on the left side of the plane..."
"Thank you for flying Philippine Airlines."

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Pilot Jokes Military Jokes Aviation Jokes Filipino jokes

I gave a huge sum of money to a corn farmer. I was a bit nervous, it was a major stalk investment.

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Military Jokes Corn jokes

What was General Washington's favorite type of tree?
The infantree.

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Military Jokes 4th of july jokes

For what reason did the British soldiers wear red coat?
So that they could hide in the tomatoes.

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Military Jokes 4th of july jokes

Why was George Washington known as the army's funniest man?
Because he was de Laughayatte.

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Military Jokes 4th of july jokes

What do you call a mathematician who becomes a private investigator? Magnum pi.

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Military Jokes Pi day jokes

What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth?
A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER

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Military Jokes Vagina Jokes

I'm confused... How come your instagram is private when your vаginа is public?

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Military Jokes Vagina Jokes

A major hospital was doing research, looking into a possible correlation between vaginosis and hearing loss.
After contacting women who were treated at their obgyn clinic by phone, the patients were asked
- Have you experienced any hearing loss since the onset of your symptoms?
The number one response was
- Wwat's that? I c*nt hear you!

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Military Jokes Vagina Jokes

Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!

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Military Jokes Coffee Jokes

"Motherhood: Because going to the bathroom in private is over-rated."

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Military Jokes Mom jokes

“The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn’t finish.” Carrie Underwood

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Military Jokes Mom jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

United Airlines flight attendant:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, as you are all now painfully aware, our Captain has landed in Seattle. From all of us at United Airlines we'd like to thank you for flying with us today and please be very careful as you open the overhead bins as you may be killed by falling luggage that shifted during our so called "touch down."

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Military Jokes Aviation Jokes United airlines jokes

Q: Alexa, what do you want for Christmas?
A: To watch Die Hard with Captain Picard would be a dream.

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Military Jokes Alexa jokes

Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.

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Military Jokes Pig jokes

What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say “are you ready kids?”

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Military Jokes Michael Jackson jokes

We were so poor when I was growing up that all my clothes came from the army and navy store'...you will never know how embarrassing it was going to school dressed as a Korean admiral.

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School Jokes Military Jokes Korean jokes

An airplane takes off from the airport. The captain is Jewish and the first officer is Korean. It's the first time they've flown together and it's obvious by the silence that they don't get along. After thirty minutes, the Jewish Captain speaks, "I don't like Chinese."
The First Officer replies, " Ooooh, no like Chinese? Why ees that?"
The Captain says, "You bombed Pearl Harbor. That's why I don't like Chinese."
The F.O. says, "Nooooo, noooo... Chinese not bomb Pearl Harbah. That Japanese, not Chinese. And besides, I'm not Chinese or Japanese, I'm Korean!""
And the Captain answers, "Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese... it doesn't matter, they're all alike." Another thirty minutes of silence.
Finally the F.O. says, "No like Jew." The Captain replies, "Why not? Why don't you like Jews?"
F.O. says, "Jews sink Titanic."
The Captain tries to correct him, "No, no. The Jews didn't sink the Titanic. It was an iceberg."
The F.O. replies," Iceberg, Goldberg, Rosenberg, no mattah. All same."

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Military Jokes Aviation Jokes Korean jokes Japanese Jokes