Money jokes - Page 23

A husband and wife are having financial troubles.
They agree she should walk the streets to pick up some extra cash.
The husband drops his wife off in the red light area of town, and returns 6 hours later.
She gets in the car and says, "Look, I made $40.50 !"
"What jеrк gave you 50 cents?" he asks.
"All of them!"

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Four Laws of Accounting:
1. Trial balances don't.
2. Bank reconciliations never do.
3. Working capital does not.
4. Return on investments never will.

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Banker Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Accountant Jokes

Q: And the difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion?
A: Jail.

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Money jokes Accountant Jokes Prison Jokes Tax jokes

How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.

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Fishing Jokes Money jokes Christian Jokes Tax jokes

A guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game for the first time.
After the game he asked his girlfriend how she liked the game.
Oh, I really liked it, she said, but I just couldn't understand though why they were beating each other up for 25 cents.
Surprised, the boyfriend asked, what do you mean?
The blonde girlfriend replied all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!'

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American Football Jokes Money jokes Kids Jokes Blonde Jokes Soccer Jokes

A worker goes to his boss and says, ‘You have to give me a raise. There are three other companies after me.’
‘Is that so?’ says the manager.
‘And what companies are those?’
The worker replies, ‘The electric company, the telephone company, and the gas company.’

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Boss Jokes

Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him.
Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case.
‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirтy lawyer of mine.’
‘Why?’ asks the judge.
‘He won your acquittal.
Why do you want to have him arrested?’
Jerry replies, ‘I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so the ваsтаrd went and took the car I stole.’

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Judge and Court Jokes Money jokes Lawyer Jokes

Yo' Mama is so poor, she's always talking about the time she almost ate at a restaurant.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Restaurant Jokes

Yo' Mama is like my cell phone plan: 10 cents a minute - anytime, anywhere, no restrictions.

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Yo Momma Jokes Money jokes Phone jokes

A man went to visit his doctor. "Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk. "Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"
"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas.
She’s down to her last $50.
Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?"
He walks away.
Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table.
Thinking maybe she’d won, he rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd.
The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man is stunned.
He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"

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Money jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?

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Money jokes Banker Jokes

Раwn Stars:
Man:
"Can I have change for a dollar?"
Rick:
"Best I can do is 75 cents."

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

I fell in love with my wife at second sight.
The first time I didn’t know she had money.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.
"I'm sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still going to have to write you a ticket."
Amazed, the driver asked for what.
The trooper replied, "Tacks evasion."

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Money jokes

The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...

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Lawyer Jokes Money jokes Men jokes

Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year.
Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane."
And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old.
If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance."
Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride.
If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars."
Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard.
He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

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Aviation Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Pilot Jokes

Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
A: Lazy.

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Banker Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Accountant Jokes

Your families are extremely proud of you.
You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing.
This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Graduation Jokes

A man goes to a bar says, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!"
Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man it seems i forgot my wallet.
The barman kicks him in the guts and throws him out.
The next day the man comes again, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!"
Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man i don't have any money on me.
The barman hits him in the face with bar stool brakes his leg and throws him out.
The following day the man comes to the bar again, "Barman drinks on me for the owner and everybody else in here!"
Barman says, "What am not getting a free drink tonight?"
"Sorry man but you get violent when you drink."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes