Nurse jokes - Page 6

One of my mental patients stormed in earlier and shouted,”Why the fuск am I a telephone!?”
So,I said to the nurse, “Whatever you do,don’t answer him.”

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Four mothers: German, Italian, French, and Russian are in a maternity ward ready to pick up their babies. It just so happens, the nurse doesn’t know which baby is which.
So the Italian mother walks up to a crib and takes out a slice of pizza. One of the babies moves its hands forward. “That’s mine,” says the Italian mother and picks it up.
Next, the German mother walks up and says, “Heil Нiтlеr.” Immediately, one of the babies makes a Nаzi salute and the German mother picks it up.
Next, the Russian mother walks up, doesn’t say or do anything, and just takes one of the babies.
“Hold on,” says the French mother, “how can you be so sure that it’s your baby. For all I know, it might be mine.”
“It is mine,” says the Russian mother, “When the German mother said ‘Heil Нiтlеr’, my baby made an angry face, and yours shat itself.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Hitler Jokes Nurse jokes

Three men were trying to guess the professions of their respective dates of the previous evening, judging by their bedroom performance and conversation.
The first insisted that his date had been a nurse, because she said, “Lie back and relax. This won’t hurt a bit.”
The second concluded that his must have been a schoolteacher, because she had said, “Do it over and over until you get it right.”
The third figured that his date must have been a stewardess, because all she had said was, “Put this over your mouth and nose and continue to breathe normally.”

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Dating Jokes School Jokes Men jokes Nurse jokes

Last year, I went to America on a mountain climbing holiday. I had an accident, and fell 30ft.
I broke both my legs and was bleeding heavily.
I managed to make it to a road, where I flagged down a car which drove me to the hospital.
I crawled into the waiting room, and two nurses ran over to me.
“Oh my God, are you alright?” one of them shouted.
I said, “I’m absolutely fine, why do you ask?” before passing out.
After waking up in the same spot 6 hours later, I realised there’s a time and a place for sarcasm.

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God Jokes USA Jokes Sarcasm Jokes Nurse jokes

In a psychiatrist’s office:
A man comes in and says,
“Good day to you. I am King Arthur. I demand to Speak with the doctor.”
The nurse says wearily,
“You are not King Arthur, Mr. Crankleberry. Please sit down.”
Mr. Crankleberry exclaims,
“I am! It was God himself who told me I am King Arthur.”
Another patient stands up angrily,
“I certainly did not!”

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Good jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Nurse jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

A man who's wife was pregnant couldn't bear to be in the delivery room at the time of the birth.
So he thought he'd ring up later to see if it had come yet.
He rang up and the nurse said "it's a girl but theres another one on the way"
He rang again later and the nurse said "it's another girl but there's another coming"
He rang once more and the nurse said " it's a boy but there's another coming"
He couldn't stand it any more so he went to the pub and got drunк.
An hour later he was really nervous. He was dialling the hospital, hands shaking, and accidently dialled the sports line. he asked " how many did we get mate" the person said "198 all out.... and the last one was a duck"

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Sports Jokes Men jokes Baby Jokes Nurse jokes

There was a little baby boy and a little baby girl. Then the baby boy goes "I'm a boy, you are a girl!" Then the girl goes "How do you know?" Then the little boy goes "I'll show you when the nurse leaves." So about 10 minutes later, the nurse leaves. So the boy lifts up his gown and goes........."See I have Blue Booties, and you have Pink!

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Baby Jokes Nurse jokes

Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:
A site called Who Represents where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is
Www. Whorepresents. Com
Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
Www. Expertsexchange. Com
Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
Www. Penisland. Net
Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
Www. Therapistfinder. Com
Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company
Www. Powergenitalia. Com
And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales
Www. Molestationnursery. Com
If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
Www. Ipanywhere. Com
Welcome to the First Сuммing Methodist Church. Their website is
Www. Cummingfirst. Com
Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
Www. Speedofart. Com
Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
Www. Gotahoe. Com

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Internet Jokes Nurse jokes Programmer Jokes

Confucius say, if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient

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Confucius say jokes Nurse jokes

Here's a humorous story about a wealthy businessman as told by one of his grandchildren. Back in 1927 the businessman was bringing his wife, new baby and a nurse home from the hospital in a brand new Lincoln. As luck would have it, the car stalled on the tracks and they could hear a whistle blowing in the distance. Now, the man would rather risk his life than admit he couldn't handle any problem.
He looked at his watch and said calmly, "The 4:05 is right on time."
"My baby!" screamed his wife. "Let's get out!"
"What! And leave a $6,000 Lincoln on the tracks!" He snapped. "If you will just settle down, I'll get it started."
But nobody settled down, and the train came into view. Everyone left the car except the businessman. He leaned out the window and yelled to his wife, "Hey Ruth. In case I get killed, the key to the vault is behind the Shakespeare book in my study."
The conductor, slowing down for a stop anyway, managed to halt the train ten feet from the car.
"Dаrn!" cursed the businessman. "Now I've got to find a new hiding place for the vault key!"

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Men jokes Business jokes Nurse jokes

A guy goes to the first aid section of the hospital. He says: ‘I’ve got 3 ваlls, could you have a look?
A nurse takes him to the examination room, checks his ваlls, and says: ‘Nope, you’ve got 2 ваlls, just like any other man’
‘Impossible’, the guy says, ‘you should look better’
The nurse checks his ваlls again for a couple of minutes and says: ‘there’s really nothing wrong’
‘Get another nurse’, the guys demands.
Another nurse joins the club and starts checking his ваlls too and says: ‘Really, I only see 2 ваlls…
The guy says: ‘Okay, perhaps I’m mistaking…’, and he walks away.
Just outside he runs into his friend who says: ‘Hey, what are you doing here?
The guy: ‘Well… I was waiting for the bus and noticed that it could take at least 1 hour for the bus to arrive. So I thought, I’m gonna have some chicks rub and touch my sack for a while…

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Men jokes Friendship Jokes Disability Jokes Nurse jokes

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them… they are bound to be curious about sеx at that age.”
“Curious about sеx?” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fuскing appendix out!”

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Jokes about Women Little Johnny Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Sex Jokes Nurse jokes

A man 80 years of age married a young lady. A year later he carried her to the hospital, and she had a baby. The nurse said to the man:
- ”At your age, how do you do that?”
The man answered, “You just have to keep the motor running.”
Another year passes, and the man carries her back to the hospital, another baby. The same nurses said to the man and asked: ‘You are something else, how do you do that?”
He said,”I told you that you just have to keep the motor running”. Another year and back tot he hospital for another baby. The same nurse said:
- ”You are unbelievable, how do you do that?!”
He said:
- ”You go to keep that motor running.”
She answered:
- ”Well, you better change oil, because this one came out black.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Cheating Jokes Nurse jokes

T his poor guy went to hospital for a circumcision, but because of a mix up, he ended up having a complete sеx change.
All the doctors and nurses had gathered around his bed as he was waking up so they could give him the bad news.
Naturally, the poor guy went to pieces and started crying when they explained what had happened to him.
“Oh no!” he moaned, “this means I’ll never be able to experience an еrестiоn ever again!”
“Of course you will,” one of the doctors soothed. It’ll just have to be someone else’s, that’s all.”

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