School Jokes

Newest jokes in this category
- Тате, помогни ми да намеря общият знаменател. - Няма смисъл сине, търсят го още когато аз бях ученик. Τα χρόνια Ojciec pyta syna: - Co robiliście dziś na matematyce? - Szukaliśmy wspólnego mianownika. - Coś podobnego! Kiedy ja byłem w szkole, też szukaliśmy wspólnego mianownika! Że też nikt go do tej pory... – Pappa, kan du hjälpa mig med matten? – Vad ska jag hjälpa dig med? – Jag ska hitta den gemensamma nämnaren… – Vad fan, har ni inte hittat den än? Den letade vi också efter då jag gick i skolan?!
School Jokes Dad Jokes
One night 4 MBA students were outing till late night and didn`t study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan.
They made themselves look as dirтy and weird as they could with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
Then dean was a just person so he said that you can have the retest after 3 days.
They said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the dean.
The dean said that this was a special condition test.
All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three days.
The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks:
Q.1. Write down your name –(2 marks)
Q.2. Which tyre burst — (98 marks)
School Jokes College jokes Student jokes
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart.
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man.
They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"
School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Friendship Jokes Student jokes
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.
He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a ваng-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.
"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"
"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"
And the old man enjoyed peace.
School Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Student jokes
#sale On peut dire ce qu'on veut des pédophiles mais ce sont les seuls à ralentir devant les écoles... C'est quoi le truc positif chez les pédophiles ? Vous êtes sûr qu'ils vont rouler lentement dans les zones scolaires. Du kan sige hvad du vil om pædofile, men de kører langsomt forbi skolezoner. Ting er aldri så galt at det ikke er godt for noe. Ta de pedofile for eksempel. De kjører alltid sakte og forsiktig forbi barnehager og skoler.
School Jokes
Dear John, I am sending you this letter in a bogus software company envelope so that you will be sure to read it. Please forgive the deception, but I thought you should know what has been going on at home since your IBM computer entered our lives two years ago. The children are doing well. Tommy is 7 now and is a bright, handsome boy. He has developed quite an interest in the arts. He drew a family portrait for a school project. All the figures were good, but yours was excellent! The chair and the back of your head are very realistic. You would be proud of him. Little Jennifer turned 3 in September. She looks a lot like you did at that age. She is an attractive child and quite smart. She still remembers that you spent the whole afternoon with us on her birthday. What a grand day for Jen, despite the fact that it was stormy and the electricity was out. I am also doing well. I went blonde about a year ago and was delighted to discover that it really is more fun. Lars--I mean Mr. Swenson, the department head, has taken an interest in my career and has become a good friend to us all. I have discovered that the household chores are much easier since I realized that you don't mind being vacuumed around, although that feather duster does make you sneeze. The house is in good shape. I had the living room painted last spring. I'm not sure if you noticed it. I made sure that the painters cut air holes in the drop cloth so you wouldn't smother. Well, dear, I must be going. Uncle Lars - Mr. Swenson, I mean, is taking us all on a ski trip and there is packing to do. I have hired a housekeeper to take care of thing while we are away. She'll keep things in order, fill your coffee cup, and bring your meals to your desk, -just the way you like it. I hope you and IBM have a lovely time while we are gone. Tommy, Jen and I think of you often - try to remember us while your disks are booting. Love, Angela.
School Jokes Blonde Jokes Coffee Jokes
School Jokes Christmas Jokes
Fathers Then and Now
Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:
In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.
In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.
Today, it's the size of his minivan.
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.
In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding nакеd down an icicle.
In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.
In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.
If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.
In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school."
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a. M., shouting:
"Wake up, it's time for hockey practice."
In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note:
"Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."
In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.
Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE.."
In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.
Today, a father spends $800 at Toys 'R' Us, and the kid screams:
"I wanted Sеgа!"
In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.
Today, it's Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.
In 1900, fathers said,
"A man's home is his castle."
Today, they say, "Welcome to the money pit."
In 1900, "a good day at the market" meant Father brought home feed for the horses.
Today, "a good day at the market" means Dad got in early on an IPO.
In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.
Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you're invading my space."
In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters' suitors with shotguns if the girl came home late.
Today, fathers break the ice by saying, "So... How long have you had that earring?"
School Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Christmas Jokes Fitness jokes
How to be Politically Correct when talking about Men (Or Army Men) ----------- He does not have a вееr gut... He has developed a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.(regular guys) He has a personal war reserve stock.(army guys) ----------- He is not quiet... He is a Conversational Minimalist. He is a SAMS grad. ----------- He is not sтuрid... He suffers from Minimal Cranial Development. He is a field grade. ----------- He does not get lost all the time... He discovers Alternative Destinations. He gets temporarily misoriented. ----------- He is not balding... He is in Follicle Regression. He has a REALLY squared away high and tight. ----------- He is not a cradle robber... He prefers Generationally Differential Relationships. He is breaking the new fraternization policies. ----------- He does not get falling-down drunк... He becomes Accidentally Horizontal. He practices his IMTs in the club. ----------- He is not short... He is Anatomically Compact. He suffers from a Napoleon Complex. ----------- He does not have a rich daddy... He is a Recipient of Parental Asset Infusion. He has the Army as a hobby. ----------- He does not constantly talk about cars... He has a Vehicular Addiction. He must be a Transporter. ----------- He does not have a hot body... He is Physically Combustible. He is a PT stud. ----------- He is not unsophisticated... He is Socially Challenged. He is a Ranger. ----------- He does not eat like a pig... He suffers from Reverse Bulimia. He eats like a Ranger student at Pizza Hut. ----------- He is not a bad dancer... He is Overly Caucasian. He is from the Muddy Boots Army. ----------- He does not hog the blankets... He is Thermally Unappreciative. He is a Blue Falcon. ----------- He is not a male chauvinist pig... He has Swinе Empathy. He must be combat arms. ----------- He is not afraid of commitment... He is Monogamously Challenged. He loves TDY.
School Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Military Jokes Beer Jokes
Една обикновена сутрин: - Ставай за училище! Сине стани!!! Mother is waking her son: “Paulie, come, wake up, you have to go to school.” A mom calls out to her son "Harry! Wake up! You'll be late for school." Early one morning a mother went to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "Buy why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on... Un día le dice un hijo a su mamá..... Mamá no quiero ir a la escuela, y su mamá le dice .... Hijo tienes que ir por 2 cosas 1 porque tienes 40 años y 2 porque eres el director мама будит вовочку: - вовочка, вставай, пора в школу! - да ну ее!... "Ich will nicht in die Schule! " Streitgespräch am Morgen: "Ich geh nicht in die Schule!" "Doch, du gehst!" "Nein: Die Schüler ärgern mich, die Lehrer verachten mich und der Hausmeister nimmt mich nicht ernst!" "Jetzt reiß dich zusammen! Du bist schließlich der Direktor!" Mutter möchte den Sohn wecken: "Du Paulchen, stehe auf, du musst zur Schule." Paulchen: "Bitte Mama, lass mich noch ein bisschen Schlafen." Die Mutter: "Nein, es ist wirklich schon Zeit, stehe... Hallo meine lieben Witzeschreiber und Witzeleser, ich habe wie jeden Sonntag einen neuen Witz im Gepäck. Hir ist der Witz: Die Mutter weckt am Morgen ihren Sohn. Spricht die Mutter: „Paulchen, du... Σχολείο Το σχολείο De manhã, a mãe bate na porta do quarto do filho: De Manhã, o Pai Bate na porta do quarto do Filho. — Acorda Meu Filho. Acorda, pq esta na hora de vc ir para o Colégio. Lá de dentro, estremunhado, o Filho Respondeu: — Pai,eu hoje ñ vou ao Colégio.... - Jeg vil ikke på skolen i dag, mor! - Ta deg sammen, Knut. Husk at du er 54 år og rektor på skolen. Reggel van. Az anya kelti a fiát. - Fiam, kelj fel, iskolába kell menned! - Nem akarok! - Mondj 2 nyomós érvet, hogy miért nem! - 1. Az összes gyerek utál, 2. Az összes tanár utál! - Ez nem nyomós... Reggel az anya ébreszti a gyerekét: - Kelj fel, fiam, az iskolába kell menned! - De mama, miért kell mennem? Utálok oda járni! - Mondj két okot, miért ne kellene menned? - Először is: az összes...
Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Old People Jokes College jokes