Sex Jokes

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Arkansas State Residency Application
ARKANSAS STATE RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Jefferson (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sеx: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Unemployed Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed Model and year of your pickup: ___________194_ Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know
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REDNECK DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION.
Last name: ________________
First name (check appropriate box):

[_] Billy-Bob
[_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe
[_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray
[_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue
[_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae
[_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack
[_] Bobby-Beth-Ann

Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer
[_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser
[_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed
[_] Dirтy Politician

Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _________________________
Lover's Name: ____________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________

Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister
[_] Aunt
[_] Brother
[_] Uncle
[_] Mother
[_] Son
[_] Father
[_] Daughter
[_] Cousin
[_] Pet

Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks

Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ kitchen
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ shed


Model of your pickup: _____________
Year pickup produced: 194____

Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:_________________________

Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer
[_] The Globe
[_] MAXIM
[_] TV Guide
[_] Soap World
[_] Rifle and Shotgun

___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:

[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable

How many teeth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow
[_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown
[_] Black
[_] N/A

Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know
Nationality Jokes Blue Collar Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Political Jokes Relationship Jokes
A young Irish man called Раddy wanted to buy a Christmas present for his new girlfriend.
They hadn't been seeing each other for very long and she lived in Donegal and he lived in Kerry .
Paddy consulted with his Sister and decided, after careful consideration, that a pair of good quality Gloves would strike the right note... not too Romantic and not too Personal.
Off he went with his Sister to Marks and Spencer’s and they selected a dainty pair of Fur Lined quality, Leather Gloves.
Paddy's sister bought a Pair of Sеxy Knickers for herself at the same time.
Marks and Spencer’s had a "Free Gift Wrap Offer" on as it was Xmas. But the Shop Assistant mixed up the Two Items, the Sister got the Gloves and Раddy unknowingly, got the Knickers.
Good old Раddy, sent off his Gift Wrapped Present in a parcel with the following Letter.
Dear Maggie,
I chose these because I've noticed that you are not wearing any, when we go out in the Evenings. If it had not been for my Sister, I would have chosen the Long Ones with the Buttons, but she wears Shorter Ones (which are easier to remove). These are a very delicate shade, but the Lady I bought them from, showed me the Pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and I hardly noticed any Marks. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart in them even though they were a little Bit Tight on Her.
She also said that they Rub against her Ring, which helps keep it Clean. In fact she hasn't needed to Wash It, since she began wearing them.
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt many other Hands will Touch them, before I have a chance to see you again.
When you take them off, remember to вlоw into them a little bit, because they will be naturally a little Damp from Wearing.??
Just imagine how many times my Lips will Kiss them during the coming year.
I hope you will Wear them for me on our Next Date.??
All my love,
Patrick.
*
P.S. My Mum tells me that the latest Style. Is to wear them folded down, with a little Bit of Fur showing.
Sex Jokes Men jokes Christmas Jokes
Meкo и Тврдо Hotel Hijinx Στο ασανσέρ Στο 202!!! Un homme se cogne contre une femme dans un hall d’hôtel. Приближавайки към рецепцията на престижен хотел в Benidorm, странен шум привлича вниманието на един от клиентите. В лифт вбегает мужчина и задевает локтем грудь стоящей рядом женщины. Пълен асансьор. Млъд мъж се качил, но при влизането докоснал гърдите на жена с лакът: Ein Mann rammt aus versehen in einem Hotel einer Dame seinen Ellbogen in die Brust. Er entschuldigt sich: В асансьор на хотел без да иска мъж удря с лакът в гърдите млада дама. - Ох, извинете! Ако сърцето ви е толкова меко и топло колкото гърдите ви, ще ми простите... - Ако онази ви работа е толкова твърда, колкото и лакътя ви, то тогава сте поканен в моята стая - номер 324... - му отговаря тя. Ao entrar num elevador, o sujeito inadvertidamente esbarrou com o cotovelo nos seios avantajados de uma loira lindíssima.Aproveitou para tirar um sarrinho: — Se o seu coração for tão mole quanto os seus seios, tenho certeza de que a senhorita há de me perdoar! E ela: — Se o seu pau for tão duro... En ung sexig kille stod i hotell receptionen när hans telefon ringde. Hastigt drog han upp telefonen ur fickan och råkade då armbåga tjejen bakom honom. Då sa han med ett ursäktande leende: - Om... Paul stößt in der Hotelhalle versehentlich mit dem Ellenbogen an den Busen einer jungen Frau. Er entschuldigt sich mit den Worten: "Wenn Ihr Herz so zart ist wie Ihr Busen werden Sie mir sicherlich... En kille står i hotellobbyn och väntar på att få checka in. Då ringer hans mobil och när han plockar fram den råkar han köra armbågen i bröstet på tjejen intill. Han vänder sig om och säger: - Har... Een man komt een hotel binnen lopen en stoot daar per ongelijk met zijn elleboog op de borsten van een vrouw. “Mijn excuses, maar als uw hart net zo zacht is als uw borsten kan u mij vergeven”... Een man staat bij de receptie van het hotel. Hij wil juist de man bij de receptie een vraag stellen, als hij per ongeluk tegen een vrouw naast hem stoot, en met zijn elleboog tussen haar borsten... En el vestíbulo de un hotel, un tipo se cruza con una chica guapísima. En ese momento, oye un ruido y, al girarse, sin querer, golpea a la mujer en un pecho con el codo. A modo de disculpa le... Un uomo si scontra con una donna nella hall di un hotel e nell'urto finisce col gomito sul suo seno. Entrambi sono molto imbarazzati. L'uomo cerca di scusarsi e dice: - Signora, se il vostro... Ketten állnak egy szálloda recepciójánál, egy férfi és egy nő. Ahogy a férfi megfordul, véletlenül beleütközik a könyöke a nő mellébe. Udvariasan, kissé flörtölve megjegyzi: - Hölgyem, ha az ön... Mies törmää hotellin käytävällä vahingossa naiseen. Törmäyksessä miehen kyynärpää osuu naisen rintaan. - Jos sydämesi on yhtä pehmeä kuin rintasi, annat varmaan anteeksi, mies aloittaa. - Jos... Mann rempelt Frau an der Hotelrezeption an. Beide gucken etwas verstört. Mann: "Wenn Ihr Herz so weich ist wie Ihr Busen, werden Sie mir verzeihen." Frau: "Wenn Ihr Ding so hart ist wie Ihr...
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Things you’ll never hear a wife say
I’ll swallow it all, I love the taste.
Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink?
I’m bored, let’s shave my рussy!
Shouldn’t you be down the pub with your mates?
That fаrт was great! Do another one!
I’ve decided to stop wearing clothes in the house.
You’re so sеxy with a hangover.
I’d rather play Virtua Fighter than go shopping.
Let’s start subscribing to Penthouse.
Would you like to see a video of me going down on my girlfriend?
Just for a change, can we try аnаl sеx tonight?
I really like football, can you take me to a game.
You’d better drive. You’re far safer than I am and besides, everyone knows women can’t drive.
Actually we shouldn’t have been given the vote, we’re better off in the kitchen.
I think a big motorbike is a good idea.
I don’t care if my вuм looks big in this, let’s just go and get рissеd.
We haven’t gone out with your mates for a while, shall we all go to Stringfellows.
Why can’t you let your hair down and have a few vоdка chasers with me.
I know you’re already late for work, but can I gag on it just one more time.
Aim where you like, it’s really good for my skin
You know, I’ve been complaining a lot lately. I don’t blame you for ignoring me.
The new girl in my office is a stripper. I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
Microwave food again? Brilliant.
I liked that wedding even more than ours. Your ex-girlfriend has class.
I love hearing stories about your ex-girlfriends. Tell me more.
Let’s just leave the toilet seat up all the time; then you won’t have to mess with it anymore.
It’s only half time; you should get a few more beers in.
I’m so happy with my new hairstyle, I don’t think I’ll ever change it again.
I love when my pillow smells of fаgs and lager. You passed out before brushing your teeth again, you big silly.
Let’s go shopping so you can check out the womens’ arses.
I’ll be out painting the house.
I love it when you play football on a Sunday. I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
Our new neighbour’s daughter is sunbathing again. Come and look.
I know it’s a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again.
No, I’ll take the car to have the oil changed.
Let me pay.
Your mother did a great job raising you. She’s so much better than mine.
Do me a favour and forget that sтuрid Valentine’s Day thing. Save your money for buying вееr.
I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year.
Oh, not shopping again. Let’s go to the new all-day sтriр club instead.
Look, I make enough money for both of us. Why don’t you retire and get that nagging handicap down to a seven or eight.
Stop getting up for night feedings. You need your sleep.
God, I swear, if I don’t get to вlоw you soon I’m going to burst.
I just signed up for Yoga so I can get my ankles behind my head just for you.
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A professor at W.Virginia University is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands. "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take
this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response."
"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic."
"But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sеx with a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Sheeyit..... From back there it sounded like you said 'goats'".
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