A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she placed an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gаy and the other a drunк.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gаy guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunк.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher’s widow said “you have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great.
You should go into town and kick up your heels.”
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town on Saturday night. He returned around 2:30am, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher’s widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.
“Unbutton my blouse and take it off,” she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed.
“Now take off my boots.” He did as she asked, ever so slowly.
“Now take off my socks.” He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
“Now take off my skirt.” He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
“Now take off my вrа.” Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said:
“If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you’re fired!
A travelling salesman’s car breaks down on a deserted road, and he seeks refuge from the evening storm at a nearby farmhouse.
The farmer, being a kindly soul, says to the man that he can spend the night and they’ll sort his car out in the morning.
“There’s only one small problem,” says the farmer, “We don’t have much room, so y’all will have to either sleep on the couch, or share the spare bedroom with Baby.”
Thoughts of middle-of-the-night crying, early-morning nаррy changing and all those other unpleasant things that come with sharing a room with a strange baby spring to mind, so the salesman agrees to sleep on the couch.
The next morning, he walks into the kitchen in the hopes of scoring some breakfast, and he sees this absolutely stunning, blonde, t*ts like melons and legs that went right up to her neck, she was busy making coffee and dressed in just a silk negligee,
She turns around when he walks in and coos:
“Hi, I’m Baby, who are you?”
He replies:
“I’m the sтuрid fсuкеr who just spent the whole of last night alone on the fсuкing couch!!”
“What would you like?” says the barman.
“What would I like?” says Bob. “A вiggеr house, more money and a more attractive wife.”
“No,” says the barman, patiently. “I meant what do you want?”
“To win the lottery, for my mother-in-law to die and for my child to be born healthy!”
“What’s it to be?” says the barman, less patiently.
A boy or a girl, I don’t care.
You misunderstand me, says the barman, impatiently, I only asked what you want to drink.
Oh, says Bob, I see. Why didn’t you say so? What have you got?
Nothing at all, says the barman. I’m perfectly healthy.