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One day a police officer was driving her squad through the cemetery as police officers do on the midnight shift.
She came upon an motor with its headlights off and no persons were visible.
The officer exited her vehicle and approached the suspicious auto and noticed two youthful occupants jump up and began to button their clothing.
The officer stated, “Didn’t you see the sign on the front gate - closed after 6:00 P. M.?” The youth responded, “No ma’am, officer.
We came in the back gate where it says get lots while you’re young!!
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This big mean-looking сunт squared up to me in the pub last night and said, ‘I heard you’re a рооf.’I replied, ‘No, that’s just a misunderstanding. I did once have sеx with someone who had a mustache, but that was just your mum”
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When I was a kid, my dad use to say:
“Discoveries are often made by not following instructions, by going off the main road, by trying the untried.”
Probably why I fail my driving tests.
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I bumped into an old friend today with his son, who was wearing a school uniform.
I said to his son, “Wow, look how big you are getting. What year are you in?”
He said, “2015, like everyone else.”
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I was walking down this street and this really sеxy woman tells me, ‘Oh my god. You are so hot. I want you to fuск me right now!’
It’s true. You can ask Brad Pitt, he was right behind me.
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My friend said to me, “My wife makes Susan Boyle look beautiful.”
I said, “Thank God you said that. I’ve been wanting to say something for years. She’s so fuскing ugly. What were you thinking when you married her?”
He said, “…No, you fuскing сunт, she’s Susan’s new personal make-up artist.”
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I was invited to a sеx оrgy at the weekend by this girl from work.
“I can’t come” I said
“That’s nothing” she replied “There’s a guy there that has to take viаgrа just to get it up”
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“Dad, what’s a Тrаnny?” asked my eight year old.
“I’m surprised someone your age knows that word, son,” I replied. “It’s an old name for a portable radio.”
“Now tell me,” I continued. “What do you think of my new dress?”
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The DJ called me and said, “We are going live in a few seconds, I’m going to ask you what you’re going to spend your money on and I want you to tell the listeners on air.”
“Okay” I replied.
He said, “3…2….1….. Congratulations to Marc, our competition winner, what are you going to spend the money on?”
I said, “I’m going to spend it on air.”
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I had just hung up my phone on the train this morning when I got a tap on the shoulder, “Excuse me,” said a teenage girl dressed in her school uniform, “I wonder if you could settle an argument for us? Me and my friend just overheard your phone ringing and I’m pretty sure it was Beyonce, but my friend is adamant it was Rihanna…”
I said, “You’re both wrong, it was my mum.”
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I was driving through an industrial estate the other day and I saw a big sign that said “Joe’s Тооl Works”.
I thought, “So does mine but I don’t put up a big fuскing sign bragging about it.”
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A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale.
“Afraid not,” said the farmer.
“I’ll give you a thousand bucks!” said the city fella.
“I can’t sell you that horse. He don’t look too good,” replied the farmer.
“I know horses, and he looks fine. I’ll give you two thousand!”
“Well, all right, if you want him so bad.”
The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been gypped. “You sold me a blind horse!”
“Well,” said the farmer, “I told you he didn’t look too good.”
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A married man keeps telling his wife “Honey, you have such a beautiful вuтт”. Every person in the town agrees that she does have a very beautiful вuтт. The man’s birthday is coming up so she decides to take a trip to the tattoo parlor and get the words “Beautiful вuтт” tattooed on her аss.
She walks in and tells the tattoo artist he husband thinks she has a beautiful вuтт. He looks and says, “You do have a beautiful вuтт”. She then tells the man she wants Beautiful вuтт tattooed on her аss. The man tells her “I can’t fit that on your аss, it takes up too much space. But I tell you what, I will tattoo the letters BB on each cheek and that can stand for beautiful вuтт. She agrees and gets it done.
On the man’s birthday she hears him come home and is only wearing a robe. She then stands at the top of the stairs. He opens the door and she says “look honey.” She then takes off the robe she is wearing, bends over, and the man screams “WHO THE FUСК IS BOB?”!
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Dad and son are in the living room when dad’s feet get cold. “Get my slippers from upstairs,” He says to his son. ……
……
While upstairs he sees two of his sister’s friends, so he goes up to both of them, “My Dad told me to come up here and fuск both of you.” ….
….
“You’re lying” they retort. ….
…..
Okay, I’ll prove it then: (loudly) “Dad, did you say both of them?”
“Of course. What would be the point of fuскing one?”
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My friend brags about having sеx anally with his girlfriend.
So what, I have sеx twice as often as that.
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Grandma said she was going to buy a dog to help fill the hole after Grandad died….. That woman is sick
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Шишенце
Sperm Counting
Chiste de la muestra de esperma
Το καπάκι
Το κουτάκι
ΔΙΑΦΟΡΑ ΣΟΚΙΝ
Налагало се да направят изследвания на спермата на един 75 годишен човек.
Το βαζάκι.
75-годишен старец отива при лекар с молба да изследват спермата му.
Мужик на общем медицинском обследовании. Врач говорит ему:
Мужик приходит в больницу на обследование.
Мъж отива на общ медицински преглед. Докторът му казва:
Alphonse
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
Um velhinho precisou fazer um exame de contagem de esperma. O médico deu a ele um potinho e disse:
En 85-årig man från Piteå gick till doktorn och ville få gjort ett spermatest. Doktorn
Een 85 jarige man ging naar de dokter voor een sperma-onderzoek. De dokter gaf de man een fles en vroeg hem tegen morgen wat sperma mee te brengen. De volgende dag kwam de oude man terug bij de...
Após vários anos sem conseguir ter filhos
Bir gün ihtiyar bir adam
75-latek przyszedł do lekarza na badanie nasienia. Lekarz dał mu słoiczek i powiedział: - Proszę wziąć ten słoiczek do domu i przynieść na jutro dawkę spermy. Następnego dnia dziadek przychodzi i...
Πάει ένας πενηντάχρονος στον γιατρό για εξέταση σπέρματος. Του δίνει ο γιατρός ένα μπουκαλάκι και του λέει να το φέρει γεμάτο. Έρχεται την επόμενη στο γιατρό απογοητευμένος με το μπουκάλι άδειο. -...
El doctor le pide una muestra de esperma a un hombre de 85 años como parte de su chequeo anual. El doctor le da un frasco y le dice: "Lleve este frasco a casa y tráigalo de regreso mañana con la...
Un vieil homme de 70 ans est allé à un test de sperme. Le docteur lui a donné une bouteille pour collecter le sperme. Le lendemain
85-erių metų senuko daktaras paprašė tyrimams atnešti spermos. Padavė stiklinį indelį ir pasakė: - Jūs ramiai parsineškit namo ir atneškite rytoj analizams savo spermos. Kitą dieną senukas...
The 85 year old man goes to the doctor's do get a check up
An old man was given a jar and asked to provide a sperm sample for his doctor. The next day he returned with the empty jar and explained
Ένας πενηντάχρονος
Komt een man van 80 jaar met zijn aanstaande vrouw Van 20 jaar bij de dokter. Zij willen graag nog een kind
Un batran de 75 de ani merge La spital sa faca o analiza a spermei. Doctorul ii Da un borcanel si-i spune: - Ia borcanul asta Si vino cu analiza maine! A doua zi
Bjarne skulle ta en sædprøve og fikk med seg et prøveglass hjem fra legen. En uke senere kom han tilbake med tomt glass
An 80 year old man is given a jar to provide a sреrм sample for the doctor, he turns up two days later with an empty jar.
The doctor asks ‘Why don;t you have a sреrм sample?’
The man says ‘Sorry, I tried with my right hand, and then with my left hand, and then with my wife hands, and then with my wife’s mouth, 1st with her teeth in, and then with her teeth out, then with Ethel from next door but it was all no good.
We just can’t get the jar open!
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I was having a drink with an old friend talking about when we were teenagers, I said did you practice safe sеx??
Too true he said, if ever I got lucky I didn’t tell them my real name or address.
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